Post by Zarsthor on Jul 25, 2009 18:21:13 GMT 1
Rascarin's Edit: Oh hai! I edited your topic title!
I began watching twilight last night. I stopped 5 minutes in to watch south park and then went to bed with no desire to continue watching it.
This afternoon I started watching Twilight again at 2:30pm. At 5:45pm I was 23 minutes through the movie. It is now 6:11pm and I had to stop at 43:21 because of the sheer corny lines and dramatic plot shit holes.
The actress in the movie really annoys me. She pouts and head twitches. That seems to be her only acting response to everything. Her character is bland, uninteresting and mildly autistic.
The guy seems to only be able to pull off the facial expression "vogue". He has a similarly based personality as the girl but manages to also add sheer arrogant stupidity to the mix.
The movie so far is much like the girls acting skills. It twitches, pouts and is begging to be put out of its misery. My hubby tried to watch a little bit of it with me but finally decided doing the washing up was more interesting and left with these words, "They've faded all the colours in the film so its a blue black mess. Its like an Evanescences CD cover. I cannot take it anymore."
All I have left to say about what I have seen so far is this movie has really managed to spit, shit and desecrate the mythology of American Indian culture and vampires. I hope the author, film crew, actors and every fan girl/boy out there is happy with themselves.
Argh I need to die now.
---------
I'm going to make some running commentary because this makes it easier to watch. You seriously do not need to listen to me.
Bella: "Sometimes you talk like you're from another time...."
Me: "When? Seriously? He talks like an American guy from this era. I didn't catch him saying "Ye ole towne" at any point."
Bella: "I know what you are."
Edward: "Say it. Say it out loud."
*Random camera spinning moment that causes vomit*
Me: "Geezus. This dramatic moment is so bad... ooo look at the spinning camera. Its like being on a boat."
Edward: "Are you afraid?"
Bella: *Looking really afraid with pouting* "No."
Edward: "You need to see me in sunlight!"
Me: "Is there an eclipse going on and some amazing power bill for fake outdoor lighting or aren't you already IN sunlight. Douchberries!"
Edward: "This is why we don't show ourselves in sunlight. People would think we were different." *Starts to glow a little*
Me: "Yeah. I'd think you had a skin condition... At leats have horns or funky leopard spots."
Edward: "You're like my own personal brand of heroin..."
Me: "Aww isn't that romantic!"
Bella: "I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him..."
Me: "... after only actually knowing him for 4 days..."
Bella: "Can the rest of your family read minds like you can."
Edward: "No thats just me."
Me: "Well aren't you the special one... geezus can there be anymore arrogant super power gobbling lunacy in one movie that doesn't contain the words "super" and "man"?"
Edward: "Alice can see the future."
Me: "So now not only are telepath's vampires but you've taken the prophets to? Does nobody understand the one power per person rule here? You can't steal it all vampires! *Shakes a fist*"
Bella: "No bed?"
Me: "Sorry bella no underage sex for you!"
Edward: "I don't sleep."
Me: "Imagine the amount of youtube he must go through!"
Edward: "I just want to try one thing. Stay very still... don't move..."
Me: "Vampire foreplay?"
*Yet another montage*
Bella's father: "Hey... still got that pepper spray?"
Me: "Finally someone talking sense in this movie!"
*Baseball for super villain's begins followed sharply by "the stand off" and then some cute interpretation dancing by the three guys on seven and a human*
Me: "Yeah like that should be a hard match for 7 vampires..."
Bella:"If I don't get out now I'm just going to be stuck here like mom..."
Me: "Finally! I'm feeling emotions! Her poor father..."
Edward: "Can you keep your thoughts to yourself?"
Me: "Huh?"
Edwards father: "Roesline, Bella is with Edward she's apart of this family now..."
Me: "Geezus they're just dating and haven't even done the deed yet! And why is Roseline such an angsty 14 year old? Isn't she like 80?"
*The twenty millionth montage sequence where in they are now staying at the Hilton, the angsty 80 year old blond is grinding a tree and Mr Sabatooth boy version figures out he's chasing a coat all illustrated by a prophet vampire who can see whats happening at that moment 20 miles away*
Bella's Mother: "Bella Bella Bella Bella Bella..."
Me: "Ok we got it Bella shut up already!"
Sabatooth: "Meet me at your old ballet school or mummy dies!"
Bella: "Ok."
Me: "Why is this happening? There was no call for ANY of this! Was it because the story was crap and has no real plot other than vampire has sex with underage girl? Actually that probably is the reason why but ... why couldn't you have come up with something less lame than ... "three evil vampires come into town, sabatooth vampire sees human with good vampire and now wants to eat human. Vegetarian (lol) vampires hide human underage sex girl but naughty sabatooth coerces human girl to meet him in the hall way of mirrors as if he'd really let her mother go." This movie is shocking." -_-
Edwards dad: "Suck the venom out of her."
Me: "Ok, 1. The venom is already been pulsing around her body for the last 5 minutes. 2. If you bite her and suck it out then aren't you still pumping venom into her from your own teeth?"
Edward: "I think you should go to Jackson with your mother."
Bella: "What? No! No! I... I can't... No!"
Edwarrd: "Its ok I'm here."
Bella: "You just can't say stuff like that to me... ever."
Me: "... because I become a needy clinging child (and bad actress) that doesn't know whats good for me when a vampire (I've known for 8 days) that thinks he might eat me tells me to go live with my mother just in case."
Edward: "I'll take care of her chief swan."
Bella's father: "Uh-huh I've heard that one before."
Me: "Ah the voice of sensible reason! The only lovable character in this movie for me."
Wolf boy: "My father sent me tot lak to you. He payed me 20 bucks actually. He wants you to break up with your boyfriend. He said and I quote "We'll be watching you.""
Me: "Someone is fishing for Twilight 2 now aren't they."
And as the movie draws to a close I come to this sudden realization.
Twilight is a movie about pedophiles that get away with it!
I began watching twilight last night. I stopped 5 minutes in to watch south park and then went to bed with no desire to continue watching it.
This afternoon I started watching Twilight again at 2:30pm. At 5:45pm I was 23 minutes through the movie. It is now 6:11pm and I had to stop at 43:21 because of the sheer corny lines and dramatic plot shit holes.
The actress in the movie really annoys me. She pouts and head twitches. That seems to be her only acting response to everything. Her character is bland, uninteresting and mildly autistic.
The guy seems to only be able to pull off the facial expression "vogue". He has a similarly based personality as the girl but manages to also add sheer arrogant stupidity to the mix.
The movie so far is much like the girls acting skills. It twitches, pouts and is begging to be put out of its misery. My hubby tried to watch a little bit of it with me but finally decided doing the washing up was more interesting and left with these words, "They've faded all the colours in the film so its a blue black mess. Its like an Evanescences CD cover. I cannot take it anymore."
All I have left to say about what I have seen so far is this movie has really managed to spit, shit and desecrate the mythology of American Indian culture and vampires. I hope the author, film crew, actors and every fan girl/boy out there is happy with themselves.
Argh I need to die now.
---------
I'm going to make some running commentary because this makes it easier to watch. You seriously do not need to listen to me.
Bella: "Sometimes you talk like you're from another time...."
Me: "When? Seriously? He talks like an American guy from this era. I didn't catch him saying "Ye ole towne" at any point."
Bella: "I know what you are."
Edward: "Say it. Say it out loud."
*Random camera spinning moment that causes vomit*
Me: "Geezus. This dramatic moment is so bad... ooo look at the spinning camera. Its like being on a boat."
Edward: "Are you afraid?"
Bella: *Looking really afraid with pouting* "No."
Edward: "You need to see me in sunlight!"
Me: "Is there an eclipse going on and some amazing power bill for fake outdoor lighting or aren't you already IN sunlight. Douchberries!"
Edward: "This is why we don't show ourselves in sunlight. People would think we were different." *Starts to glow a little*
Me: "Yeah. I'd think you had a skin condition... At leats have horns or funky leopard spots."
Edward: "You're like my own personal brand of heroin..."
Me: "Aww isn't that romantic!"
Bella: "I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him..."
Me: "... after only actually knowing him for 4 days..."
Bella: "Can the rest of your family read minds like you can."
Edward: "No thats just me."
Me: "Well aren't you the special one... geezus can there be anymore arrogant super power gobbling lunacy in one movie that doesn't contain the words "super" and "man"?"
Edward: "Alice can see the future."
Me: "So now not only are telepath's vampires but you've taken the prophets to? Does nobody understand the one power per person rule here? You can't steal it all vampires! *Shakes a fist*"
Bella: "No bed?"
Me: "Sorry bella no underage sex for you!"
Edward: "I don't sleep."
Me: "Imagine the amount of youtube he must go through!"
Edward: "I just want to try one thing. Stay very still... don't move..."
Me: "Vampire foreplay?"
*Yet another montage*
Bella's father: "Hey... still got that pepper spray?"
Me: "Finally someone talking sense in this movie!"
*Baseball for super villain's begins followed sharply by "the stand off" and then some cute interpretation dancing by the three guys on seven and a human*
Me: "Yeah like that should be a hard match for 7 vampires..."
Bella:"If I don't get out now I'm just going to be stuck here like mom..."
Me: "Finally! I'm feeling emotions! Her poor father..."
Edward: "Can you keep your thoughts to yourself?"
Me: "Huh?"
Edwards father: "Roesline, Bella is with Edward she's apart of this family now..."
Me: "Geezus they're just dating and haven't even done the deed yet! And why is Roseline such an angsty 14 year old? Isn't she like 80?"
*The twenty millionth montage sequence where in they are now staying at the Hilton, the angsty 80 year old blond is grinding a tree and Mr Sabatooth boy version figures out he's chasing a coat all illustrated by a prophet vampire who can see whats happening at that moment 20 miles away*
Bella's Mother: "Bella Bella Bella Bella Bella..."
Me: "Ok we got it Bella shut up already!"
Sabatooth: "Meet me at your old ballet school or mummy dies!"
Bella: "Ok."
Me: "Why is this happening? There was no call for ANY of this! Was it because the story was crap and has no real plot other than vampire has sex with underage girl? Actually that probably is the reason why but ... why couldn't you have come up with something less lame than ... "three evil vampires come into town, sabatooth vampire sees human with good vampire and now wants to eat human. Vegetarian (lol) vampires hide human underage sex girl but naughty sabatooth coerces human girl to meet him in the hall way of mirrors as if he'd really let her mother go." This movie is shocking." -_-
Edwards dad: "Suck the venom out of her."
Me: "Ok, 1. The venom is already been pulsing around her body for the last 5 minutes. 2. If you bite her and suck it out then aren't you still pumping venom into her from your own teeth?"
Edward: "I think you should go to Jackson with your mother."
Bella: "What? No! No! I... I can't... No!"
Edwarrd: "Its ok I'm here."
Bella: "You just can't say stuff like that to me... ever."
Me: "... because I become a needy clinging child (and bad actress) that doesn't know whats good for me when a vampire (I've known for 8 days) that thinks he might eat me tells me to go live with my mother just in case."
Edward: "I'll take care of her chief swan."
Bella's father: "Uh-huh I've heard that one before."
Me: "Ah the voice of sensible reason! The only lovable character in this movie for me."
Wolf boy: "My father sent me tot lak to you. He payed me 20 bucks actually. He wants you to break up with your boyfriend. He said and I quote "We'll be watching you.""
Me: "Someone is fishing for Twilight 2 now aren't they."
And as the movie draws to a close I come to this sudden realization.
Twilight is a movie about pedophiles that get away with it!