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Post by Cali on Sept 19, 2010 0:57:54 GMT 1
I've only finished chapter six, and I have to say I'm enjoying the story so far. Most of the fiction on here has been character oriented, but an action fanfic that mostly relies on canon is quite refreshing.
My only gripe is how the character introductions were hastily filed in without much detail as to describe their appearances. Aside from this, I still like the characters quite a bit.
Also, you might want to take another look at chapter 2's title again. =)
Again, great story. The first segment reminded me of Alien quite a bit.
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Post by Spaced20 on Sept 19, 2010 10:09:05 GMT 1
You think i would have noticed that. lol
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Post by Cali on Oct 12, 2010 15:36:16 GMT 1
Nice to see you're updating again!
Though the main gripe I have is the fact that the characters always seem to state the obvious. Other than that, pretty smooth sailing.
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Post by Spaced20 on Oct 15, 2010 12:54:16 GMT 1
god, putting words in bold is a pain in the ass.......... lol. thanks for the feedback, new chapters out.
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Post by Cali on Nov 6, 2010 23:43:22 GMT 1
Finally got around to reading it again. Wow. Just, holy shit. The story went from just average to possibly the best Mass Effect fanfic I've read yet. The Beyond Good and Evil prequel chapters were fantastic. I was worried that Ryder would not get the character development he deserves, but it looks like you nailed it. And from what I gathered, we only just scratched the surface!
There are only a few minor negatives, just a few spelling and gramatical errors scattered about (don't feel like pointing them out right now), but it has turned into a fantastic story, and I'll be throwing plenty of stars to you.
Finally, I'd like to address that it's very refreshing for somebody here to depart from writing about the characters from the video games, and go with establishing one's own characters. I was honestly getting pretty weary of the amount of the former type being posted on here, but it seems that you gave me a breath of fresh air!
Anyway, great story. By all means, I beg of you, keep them coming. I'm just about to read the chapters on page 2.
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Post by Spaced20 on Nov 7, 2010 11:26:17 GMT 1
oh. wow. Thank you very much for the kind words. yeah, i didnt really want to write a "shepard" story because every single player has their *own* invidual shepard who made his/her own choices and ive always found it grating when i read stories that arnt *my* shepard. as for the spelling: BLOODY APPLE KEYBOARD. seriously, half the letters dont work. the "a" has to be smashed repeatdly to make it work. *sigh*
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Post by Cali on Nov 7, 2010 20:24:11 GMT 1
(Ironically, I'm posting this from an Apple Keyboard)
The chapters on page 2 wore me out. In a good way. You captured a Dawn of the Dead situation quite well, complete with the catalyst that threatened the main characters. I'm interested to see what the indoctrination is from, though I might have a few good guesses in store. =)
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Post by Spaced20 on Nov 9, 2010 10:17:39 GMT 1
"chapters on page 2 wore me out." now if thats not positive feedback, i dont know what is.
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Post by Spaced20 on Dec 12, 2010 12:03:38 GMT 1
Im sorry i havnt done any updates lately. Ive been in a bit of a slump and frankly, codnt be arsed. However, i have been thinking about this story and now have a *complete* plot in my mind. (ive been making this up as i went along which is a very stupid thing to do really.) But im fired up now! (not least by that mass effect 3 trailer) so im writing again and the next chapter should be up some time next week.
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Post by Cali on Dec 12, 2010 21:42:53 GMT 1
Kickass. You know me, man. I'll still read it!
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Post by Spaced20 on Dec 13, 2010 10:53:59 GMT 1
Kickass. You know me, man. I'll still read it! i dont think im not thankful for your feedback, my friend.
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Post by Spaced20 on Dec 14, 2010 14:41:24 GMT 1
And the chapter is go! its a bit slow and a bit short, but i wanted to get back into "echoes" mode. This is really the last "quiet" part of the story before it all kicks off, so im making the most of not having to imagine new metaphors for explosions.
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Post by Spaced20 on Jan 19, 2011 10:35:54 GMT 1
damn, i really need to get on with this.....
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Post by Spaced20 on Jan 29, 2011 10:51:31 GMT 1
you wait forever and two chapters come at once.... feedback would be appericated guys thanks!
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Post by Spaced20 on Feb 4, 2011 13:18:14 GMT 1
aww! thanks for the positive review. Its always nice to know your work is appricated I am, however shockingly inconsistant when it comes to adding chapters so sorry in advance. haha.
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