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Post by Spaced20 on Mar 31, 2011 10:03:28 GMT 1
new chapter. hooray. now, before everyone moans (or is very relived) the chapter is pretty short. mostly because ive decided to divide this chapter into "three pieces" otherwise it would be one post with 10,000 words. (yep, its that long)
EDIT: screw it! im uploading the next chapter as well. feedback appreicated.
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Post by Cali on Mar 31, 2011 21:10:26 GMT 1
Man, I thought I was the only one who really adored the GFS Olympus track from Corruption! It fits great with the coldness of space as well as the interior of the valiant. Excellent music choices for pretty much all of the chapters.
Anyway, I like where the plot is going! The cylinder seems like it's right up Sha'ira's alley, and I always thought she was a cool character.
Chapter 27 was also very well done, and I couldn't think of a better way the characters could be developed. The flashback where Miranda discovers that Rhyder is undercover was quite hilarious. Also, good knowing that The Illusive Man will play a part in the story. Despite being exposed quite a bit in both canon and fanon, he's still one of my favorite characters.
The new chapter's paragraphs were kind of squashed together, making it difficult to read. That was really the only problem I had with them.
Let us see where the story takes us. Lead on, Spaced!
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Post by Spaced20 on Apr 2, 2011 9:57:37 GMT 1
Man, I thought I was the only one who really adored the GFS Olympus track from Corruption! It fits great with the coldness of space as well as the interior of the valiant. Excellent music choices for pretty much all of the chapters. Anyway, I like where the plot is going! The cylinder seems like it's right up Sha'ira's alley, and I always thought she was a cool character. Chapter 27 was also very well done, and I couldn't think of a better way the characters could be developed. The flashback where Miranda discovers that Rhyder is undercover was quite hilarious. Also, good knowing that The Illusive Man will play a part in the story. Despite being exposed quite a bit in both canon and fanon, he's still one of my favorite characters. The new chapter's paragraphs were kind of squashed together, making it difficult to read. That was really the only problem I had with them. Let us see where the story takes us. Lead on, Spaced! ive "unsquashed" the paragraphs. that mostly happened becasue i usually paste the story from fanfic.net. this time i pasted it directly from word so it came in big chunky paragraphs. as for the soundtrack, thanks! im a massive soundtrack whore, customising the soundtracks of dragon age and Elder scrolls to enjoy it more. for example: Vigil's keep in dragon age awakening i play: and that theme doubles for the wardens as well. i use about 300 tracks for each so i know what music fits pretty well.
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Post by Cali on Apr 13, 2011 22:24:57 GMT 1
Sorry to badger you but I WAHNT MAOR
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Post by Spaced20 on Apr 18, 2011 10:11:55 GMT 1
The Normandy and its commander fly away from the Citadel to perform one final, desperate act. A forgotten entity of madness and rage watches over its empire of blood and steel, preparing to declare war on the rest of the galaxy. A Charming soldier searches the citadel for an old foe, oblivious of the nightmares he has already unleashed. A mad man corrupted; hides in the dark and the dust. The cylinder reveals its secret. And the end of all things approaches.
Ohhhhhhhh.... im nearing the end of my first ever fanfic. im rather sad. next chapter should be up next week.
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Post by Spaced20 on Apr 19, 2011 10:26:09 GMT 1
"You can not prevent it, Rhyder. But why would you wish to?"
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Post by Spaced20 on May 10, 2011 9:20:59 GMT 1
next chapter is called "Relinquished" and its... bloody long. hopefully post in the next few weeks. typing this monster up will take a while.
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Post by Cali on May 10, 2011 17:06:04 GMT 1
Take your time, bro. I'll still be here. =D
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Post by Spaced20 on May 15, 2011 11:59:54 GMT 1
Changed the title of the next chapter to: "the final experiment" lots of running, creepy corridors and blood. oh, and a reaper.
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Post by Spaced20 on Jun 7, 2011 9:56:44 GMT 1
Sorry this is taking so long . basically, i had the entire story finished and stored on my lap top, ready to post, but i was like... hmm.... that ending is a bit "meh". the main villain revels himself/herself/itself and is promptly killed. dull. Mirianda was coming accross as a whiney cow. Shepard and rhyder's relationship was revealed a little... too... early. So yeah, ive gone back to this chapter ("the final experiement) and am changing a bunch of lines and doing some retconning. it'll be worth it, trust me. it'll be much better now when i finally post it.
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Post by Cali on Jun 7, 2011 20:54:33 GMT 1
Ack! Spoilers!
*Chokes*
Yeah but anyhow, take your time. I'll still be here!
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Post by Spaced20 on Jun 13, 2011 11:15:56 GMT 1
NEXT CHAPTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol. now, before you ask, no idea whatsoever why the first four lines are BOLD. i ried changing it but tnothing works. bizarre and annoying.
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Post by Cali on Jun 14, 2011 3:02:58 GMT 1
Code errors can be very tricky. It's possible you mismatched a bold code in the first attempt. Once you do this, it tries to auto correct it but eventually leaves it in a smoldering mess.
As for the chapter, I've noticed you focus on dialogue quite a bit. While this is not necessarily bad, it makes the overall prose difficult to understand, and the attention to detail kind of suffers in its place, but thankfully not too much.
Criticism aside setting you made was quite great. Felt like a mixture of Dr. No, Alien, and The Empire Strikes Back. Undercover James Rhy- er (Ahem) John Miller, seems to squeeze out the best of his comic-relief side.
As always the choice in music is quite fantastic, and nigh perfect.
One final note: You should probably make it clear that it's still a flashback. Make it say that it's still 2177 CE in the beginning of the chapter, or "six years ago".
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Post by Spaced20 on Jun 14, 2011 9:08:03 GMT 1
Good point well made on the flashback sub title. thats been added. (it also fixed the BOLD problem oddly enough) Next chapter this week hopefully. P.S 1,000 views for this... thats insane.
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Post by Spaced20 on Jun 16, 2011 18:47:06 GMT 1
Next chapter is out. Just a quick post to thank everyone for their reviews. to get over 600 views for my very first fanfic is absolutly stunning. so thank you, one and all. You are the reason i write this. to read your're reactions. (either good or bad!"
haha. so yeah, new chapter. I realise this story has gone a bit "Rhyder heavy" that was not my intention, but i couldnt resist showing the events that led up to the CERBURUS/HYDRA civil war that climaxed in the beyond good and evil chapters, and for that, the only character that could have been their is Rhyder (since none of the present crew have been on board for a MASSIVE amount of time. (Anya had been the pilot for three years, Finns been on board for 2, and Mia... Well. you know how she turned up.) And just to answear a couple of questions. 1) No, that's not Sovereign. 2) please remember, miranda is 8 years younger than her appearance in mass effect 2. She's not quite in "Femme fatale" mode yet. 3) the relationship between Echoes and Cerburus is... complicated. Rhyder and Miranda are friends. (as far as that word can be used) but The illusive man and Echoes as a whole has always been incredibly unstable. yes, they worked together to take down hydra, but that was a partnership of nesscity.
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