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Post by Knightfall on Dec 10, 2010 21:35:48 GMT 1
Taking Clint's suggestion and making one of these threads. Thanks for reading it. I've been in a writing slump for a while, and this is one of the first things I've actually had fun writing in a long time.
And about the musical part, there will be a song, but it will be later. It's in the title mostly for nonsensical purposes, but I got something written. xD
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Post by Clint Johnston on Dec 12, 2010 7:23:30 GMT 1
Hillarious! Who is Meowth?
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Roman Candle
Lieutenant
For relaxing times, make it Suntory time.
Posts: 120
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Post by Roman Candle on Dec 12, 2010 12:08:54 GMT 1
Definite LOLs again. I enjoy this. The random Meowth/Team Rocket reference was funny, and I loved the "you sad bastard" line to Alistair. That was hilarious. My favorite was this: No constructive criticism or anything (I do find this harder for a comedy story anyway), but you did use the word "your" at one point instead of "you're." Small error, but I figured I'd mention it so you know I'm reading closely.
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Post by Mister Buch on Dec 12, 2010 14:33:41 GMT 1
Hillarious! Who is Meowth? Post moved. And - -- Knight, this is extremely funny. Well done. The thing about 'I've never met a Tim Burton character I couldn't kill' made me cry laughing!
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Post by Clint Johnston on Dec 13, 2010 4:37:25 GMT 1
I still don't get it...
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Post by Clint Johnston on Dec 14, 2010 6:11:22 GMT 1
Just read the newest chapter, and I gotta say the last part was great. the twilight jokes were great, and morrigan jokes were great. The Tim storyline, however, has to go. As funny as Monty Python was, you really can't replace Flemeth with Tim. It doesn't fit. Like a square peg in a round hole. Not to mention this leaves you really stuck when Morrigan sends you back there to kill her mother who is actually a demon inhabiting the previous "daughter" (Spoilers, BTW)... I say re-edit this one to have Flemeth do most of this stuff (the dwarf thing was great) and dump Tim. Maybe you can intro with "They call me Tim" And then have Flemeth call it all BS. I don't know. This is just my opinion.
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Roman Candle
Lieutenant
For relaxing times, make it Suntory time.
Posts: 120
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Post by Roman Candle on Dec 14, 2010 9:46:33 GMT 1
Awesomely funny, as always. And did I detect reference to Emperor's New Groove in there? If so...nice. Haha.
Although I am inclined to agree with clint that the inclusion of Tim from Monty Python is random and completely disconnected from the plot, I am not inclined to agree that it should change. In my opinion, I hated Flemeth anyway, and I welcome any plotline that allows her to be replaced. Especially since this one is so mocking. Besides, this is a parody, following the storyline closely and logically is not something it is supposed to do.
Good update, again. I look forward to the next one!
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Post by Knightfall on Dec 14, 2010 10:24:34 GMT 1
Thanks, Clint and Roman! And Omma!
Thanks for the feedback. The Tim part was just a quick gag I wanted to use, since Flemeth didn't do anything really...I don't know. I admit I wasn't 100% on that one, but it was tough to make fun of her. I probably would've just done Star Trek: Voyager references.
And Roman, you are amazing for detecting that Emperor's New Groove reference. It's one of my favorite movies. xD
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Post by Mister Buch on Dec 14, 2010 16:00:27 GMT 1
I loved the Tim the Enchanter thing. But I love Tim the Enchanter in general, so.
This chapter has to be the funniest so far. It's such a shame Duncan will soon be dead, because every line you give him is hysterical. I loved That Other Guy's death and the 'We thought you were a cool guy' thing.
WARDEN [unconvinced]: Here, we found your papers. DUNCAN: What papers? [You show him.] DUNCAN: What the hell are—OH! Yes! Of course, the papers that I sent you to find.
It's just do wonderful imagining those words in Duncan's voice and alongside his stern, caring face.
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Post by Clint Johnston on Dec 14, 2010 16:56:27 GMT 1
Yeah, Duncan was awesome. And Most of the Tim stuff will work, so long as you drop the "father" bit, and change a few pronouns. There's no reason we can't make fun of Flemeth the Enchanter. Maybe throw in her changing to a human from a chicken or something.
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Post by Mister Buch on Dec 14, 2010 18:35:16 GMT 1
Nah I prefer it the way it is. I just don't think Flemeth the Enchanter would work.
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Roman Candle
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For relaxing times, make it Suntory time.
Posts: 120
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Post by Roman Candle on Dec 15, 2010 1:31:03 GMT 1
Emperor's New Groove is amazing. As soon as I read that line I suddenly heard Kronk/David Putty saying, "That poison. The poison for Cuzco. The poison designed specifically to kill Cuzco. Cuzco's poison." And it made me ROFL. Haha. Glad it's in there!
I also agree with the others that you've done an amazing job with Duncan and I'm going to be sad to see him die (much sadder than when he died in the game). You should figure out a plot hole to have him return or something, like...he haunts the Warden periodically as a ghost or something.
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Post by ommadawn on Dec 15, 2010 5:04:26 GMT 1
Duncan Kenobi, yeah. I have to admit, having played the game is such a bonus as when I play the words out in my head, I really do hear Duncan saying those things. Which makes it all the funner, like Buch said. And Tim the Enchanter should stay, in my opinion! Now, if you can work a fortress taken over by rude Orlesians in there somewhere too....
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Post by Clint Johnston on Dec 16, 2010 6:47:02 GMT 1
There was a reason given for them getting torch duty, but it's not revealed by Duncan or Cailan. Later on, Alistair says it's only because he's royalty that Duncan assigned him to go to the tower.
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Post by Knightfall on Dec 16, 2010 7:03:29 GMT 1
Cailan's the one who comes up with the idea, though Duncan doesn't really fight it. Might have been because Duncan really didn't want Alistair in any danger, like Alistair points out, or because Cailan actually knew Alistair was his half-brother (only theory, that last part).
But they really don't give you a logical reason at the time why you, a Grey Warden, need to be the one to light the beacon, even though Loghain already had men stationed there. I went digging for one, and I thought it was pretty funny how much they dance around it. xD
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