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Post by Mister Buch on Dec 16, 2010 13:56:23 GMT 1
The King is hilarious! I can't tell you how hard I laughed at these two lines: 'Duncan, how many swords can you wield at once?' and 'Alistair, you need to see a head doctor someday soon.' That last one was brilliantly placed after the build-up.
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Roman Candle
Lieutenant
For relaxing times, make it Suntory time.
Posts: 120
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Post by Roman Candle on Dec 18, 2010 8:48:32 GMT 1
I definitely enjoyed this one too. Cailan was great, and his idea to give five swords to the grey wardens is as well. Good stuff. The only thing I would caution you against would be the addressing of the audience by the author. Breaking the fourth wall is all fine and dandy, especially in a comedy, but that might be a little too direct. Anyway, other than that I found it awesome. No need to change a thing. Except now both Cailan and Duncan are gonna be dead! How depressing. Heh. Look forward to the next one!
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Post by Mr. Glow on Dec 19, 2010 1:11:54 GMT 1
I wish I had an army of ninja Sean Beans (I'd probably make them say 'Mank'r Camer'n' and 'Mysterium Xarxes' a lot.) The story's coming along great, I'm gonna miss Duncan and Cailan though (You need to do a Return to Ostagar chapter further down the line.)
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jraym16
Serviceman 3rd Class
I have transcended the need of an avatar.
Posts: 24
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Post by jraym16 on Dec 22, 2010 4:06:39 GMT 1
This is getting better by the post. Well done!
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Roman Candle
Lieutenant
For relaxing times, make it Suntory time.
Posts: 120
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Post by Roman Candle on Jan 10, 2011 2:47:59 GMT 1
Well, Cailan and Duncan are finally dead, and I'm very sad about it.
However, the interplay between the Warden and Alistair is still quite hilarious, so I'm sure they'll pick up the slack.
Sometimes the humor seems a bit too absurd--like shooting Shakespeare across the battle--but for some reason, I'm okay with that.
Keep up the good work!
(I don't know why I made each sentence it's own paragraph--may as well top it off).
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Post by Clint Johnston on Jan 10, 2011 6:59:51 GMT 1
Anything that includes Shakespeare and a Who's on First Parody deserves a Pulitzer.
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Post by ommadawn on Jan 10, 2011 23:50:29 GMT 1
Nicely done! More, please.
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Post by jklinders on Jan 11, 2011 0:19:08 GMT 1
Damn fine work so far Knight. You actually got me wanting to flick some virtual dust off my Steam copy to give it another go.
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Post by Mister Buch on Jan 11, 2011 0:48:51 GMT 1
Awesome stuff, Knight Cailan just went from strength to strength here! 'Well played, darkspawn...'
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Post by Mister Buch on Mar 5, 2011 1:04:03 GMT 1
It's a damn shame this isn't likely to update again, because the musical chapter was the best bit of parody script I've ever read. Incredible job of pulling it all together. I love the way you summed-up the party, espescially Sten. And Zevran.
But your kids are gonna love it.
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Post by Knightfall on Mar 5, 2011 6:03:49 GMT 1
lol! Thanks. I think I wrote it when I was particularly perturbed over DA2.
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Post by Clint Johnston on Mar 5, 2011 16:14:01 GMT 1
That was Awesome! What tune was it?
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