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Post by Mister Buch on Dec 17, 2012 7:55:11 GMT 1
Here's another stab at poetry from me. I seem to have become insomniac as of the last few weeks, and tonight it finally turned out to be useful for something other than watching hours of YouTube videos.
So if anyone has any advice or thoughts on what's probably my first proper love poem, I'd be very grateful. ---
There are no songs. Nobody ever strained their voice all high. No-one ever took the time to make a rhyme, to see what sounds sound the same. There are no songs. The first one’s sung to you.
There is no love. Nobody ever held their hands all night, or ever thought to share this much, and care to touch, and shove their mouths on each other’s. There is no love. The first lover loves you.
First times might have been bad if they existed, but we never saw that made-up old romance. Last night might have been awful but we missed it. We were busy working out our first dance.
There was no more. Nobody ever kissed or laughed or cried. They never even tried to sing or anything that might have been there before us. There was no more. The first time was with you.
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Post by Lily Ariel Linders on Dec 17, 2012 11:36:45 GMT 1
I hope I'm not replying in the wrong place, but I have to say I love that poem - it's rather lovely...
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Post by Warhammer Gorvar on Dec 17, 2012 12:04:38 GMT 1
Agreed with Lily here, it;s really good....
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Post by Mister Buch on Dec 17, 2012 14:00:13 GMT 1
Thanks I'm not so sure, now in the daylight. I'll rewrite a bit later. But thanks!
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Post by Clint Johnston on Dec 17, 2012 17:53:18 GMT 1
I'm not sure. But then, I'm really not the person to ask with poetry. I just don't get it 90% of the time.
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Post by Mister Buch on Dec 17, 2012 19:17:05 GMT 1
This one didn't make sense to you? Too vague? Be honest!
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Post by Clint Johnston on Dec 17, 2012 20:34:08 GMT 1
third stanza. It doesn't fit the pattern. Is that intentional?
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Post by Mister Buch on Dec 17, 2012 20:37:43 GMT 1
That is intentional, yeah. I do that a lot. Not sure about it here though.
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Post by Lily Ariel Linders on Dec 18, 2012 0:48:33 GMT 1
I actually really love when there's one stanza that does not fit the exact same pattern as the others... it's less controlled that way, and shows a bit more emotion and heart - and works really well in song... ;D
I believe it's called a "Bridge" in music...
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Post by Mister Buch on Dec 18, 2012 0:56:44 GMT 1
Yeah, this poem is a lot like a song, and that's probably why I put that stanza in there.
Hmmmm.
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Post by Clint Johnston on Dec 18, 2012 3:39:40 GMT 1
Great job lily. Now he's going to start singing.
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Post by Lily Ariel Linders on Dec 18, 2012 3:41:37 GMT 1
Thank you, Clint! Nice to know my efforts are appreciated! ;D I myself have been trying out different musical tunes for that poem - and so far, they sound good... ;D I only wish I had a way to record me singing it and post it - you'll really appreciate that!
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Post by Mister Buch on Dec 18, 2012 3:43:41 GMT 1
It would be immensey flattering, yeah. And cool to hear. I did write it with a tune in my head, which I never do normally. Maybe I've written a song and not a poem here.
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Post by Lily Ariel Linders on Dec 18, 2012 3:48:27 GMT 1
Maybe indeed... in any case, it's starting to come together in a tune in my head... I just wish I could make instrumentals work - but I'm not that good...
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Post by Mister Buch on Dec 18, 2012 3:50:09 GMT 1
Very flattering though.
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