|
Post by Rascarin on Aug 15, 2012 18:53:55 GMT 1
Bam. www.fictionpress.com/s/3050673/1/And_BreatheAdvance warning, it has an M rating for themes and language, but it isn't explicit. I'm not necro-ing the old thread I used to use farm reviews, so here's a new one. Also not crazy about the title, but didn't know what else to put.
|
|
|
Post by Lily Ariel Linders on Aug 15, 2012 23:33:24 GMT 1
I hope I'm not posting in the wrong thread here, if I leave a review here for that rather awesome piece of writing... I really liked it! It is very ... not sure if internal would be the right word here, but I could almost experience the emotions that the words put out there. Not sure what else to say, other than it was very very good! And hopefully that "first attempt" turns into many more attempts, since I really enjoy that style of writing...
|
|
|
Post by Mister Buch on Aug 15, 2012 23:51:37 GMT 1
Filth.
Banned.
|
|
|
Post by CAPT Issac R. Madden on Aug 15, 2012 23:54:19 GMT 1
*places a 20 pound bet on Rascarin to win this one*
|
|
|
Post by Mister Buch on Aug 15, 2012 23:54:35 GMT 1
Deviant filth.
|
|
|
Post by Lily Ariel Linders on Aug 15, 2012 23:58:02 GMT 1
Oh, dear Buch, you can be such a stick-in-the-mud! *pokes Buch teasingly in the shoulder* Besides, I don't recall you shrieking about filth when you read my stories... ;D
Also, good luck banning Rascarin... *grabs the popcorn and sits back to watch the show*
|
|
|
Post by Mister Buch on Aug 16, 2012 0:01:06 GMT 1
I shrieked.
Actually I like the poem a lot. I always liked Rascarin's writing - she really has something that I like. This one makes me feel uncomfortable as all hell, but that is either a sign that it's a good poem, or that I am a stick in the mud, and I don't think I am.
Yeah, great work. Captures the moment very well, but I think there's more to it than that. There's a real 'voice' to the speaker, if that makes sense. Sounds like a person more than just erotica.
|
|
|
Post by CAPT Issac R. Madden on Aug 16, 2012 0:01:21 GMT 1
Still upset over my ancestors whupping your's at Hastings?
|
|
|
Post by Mister Buch on Aug 16, 2012 0:03:43 GMT 1
I'm immesurably confused by that one, Iron. Hastings? Whu...? What? I was calling Scarin's poem deviant because she's gay.
|
|
|
Post by CAPT Issac R. Madden on Aug 16, 2012 0:05:07 GMT 1
See my post in the "epic nerd" thread where I mention I'm a decendant of the Normans and my mothers family fought along side William the Conquerer.
And if we go with the strict definition of "deviant" I'd fit that description myself, considering my political views in comparison to the rest of the board.
|
|
|
Post by Lily Ariel Linders on Aug 16, 2012 0:07:24 GMT 1
I shrieked. Actually I like the poem a lot. I always liked Rascarin's writing - she really has something that I like. This one makes me feel uncomfortable as all hell, but that is either a sign that it's a good poem, or that I am a stick in the mud, and I don't think I am. Yeah, great work. Captures the moment very well, but I think there's more to it than that. There's a real 'voice' to the speaker, if that makes sense. Sounds like a person more than just erotica. I agree that this poem does capture the moment - but why does it make you feel uncomfortable? Are you afraid of erotica? ;D As for the 'voice' of the speaker, I agree again... it really does capture the erotic and near-frenzied feel of a person in the moment with someone they are very much attracted to or in love with (and both) and I could sort of see it happening in my mind.
|
|
|
Post by Mister Buch on Aug 16, 2012 0:17:14 GMT 1
I agree that this poem does capture the moment - but why does it make you feel uncomfortable? Are you afraid of erotica? ;D Yes, probably! But it made me uncomfortable - trying to describe this without sounding pervy - It's accurate, very much captures the feelings and the emotions of sex between people in love, and automatically I'm like, 'I shouldn't be here' - I'm automatically a voyeur. Whether deliberately or not, the poem is making me a fly on the wall while two strangers have good, romantic sex, and thus makes me question my own position a bit. If that IS eliberate, it's very good! Hitchcock said he did the same thing in Psycho - the shower scene. Deliberately make the viewer feel like he's a voyeur right before something terrible happens, so he's guilty and confused when the fear hits. Going off my point here - but I feel like I'm close enough to hear this one person's voice and / or monologue, and thus I feel too close, you know? Unless it's me the speaker was talking to of course - but in that case this is just something that depends on the reader's interpretation - whether they see themselves as the object or an observer. And the speaker comes across with a sort of very frank, undisguised sense of having sex and going for the orgasm, which makes me uncomfortable too. I just met her - she doesn't know a damn thing about me - but I know a ton all of a sudden. So that's discomfort too. And ALSO because I saw little mention of the partner - the speaker maybe even seemed selfish? I mean, for obvious reasons, but you know what I mean? For this moment it was all about getting what she wants - so even though that's perfectly reasonable given exactly what's going on, a part of me felt a little uncomfortable about the one-sidedness. I mean that these are positive qualities, by the way. I liked this - makes you feel more than just titilated. Whether these things are intentional or I'm just reading them into the poem, they are there, you know? So that's emotive and interesting poetry. Yeah, totally. It's very relatable - very much 'I know what you mean', like observational coemdy. I think good erotic writing is based on this - it's sexy because it's true! Erotic prose or poetry should conjure memories. And incidentally, what erotic writing shouldn't do is what Fifty Shades of Gray does - try to beautify everything and make sex seem like something it isn't. Fancy words, dumb metaphor, 'orbs' and that kind of thing. I'm not saying sex should be ugly, but there is nothing so mystical or artificial as an orb involved. Nothing is 'hellacious' in bed. People having sex can't even pronounce that crap. It should conjure the feeling, not disguise it.
|
|
|
Post by Mister Buch on Aug 16, 2012 0:24:57 GMT 1
I love talking about a poem. I never come up with anything until another person says something, and a discussion gets going. Maybe it's just my argumentative nature, but I think poems are a million times better with two or more readers.
|
|
|
Post by Lily Ariel Linders on Aug 16, 2012 1:55:43 GMT 1
Also, on your reference about Fifty Shades of Suck... oops, I mean Grey ;D I do not believe that women should have an Inner Goddes dancing the dance of the Seven Veils, or doing the Cha Cha, or any of the other ridiculous shite the Inner Goddess did... *blargh*
Sex is with people, not imaginary friends.
Edit: Ooh, wow, I feel snippy tonight! hehe
|
|
|
Post by Rascarin on Aug 16, 2012 2:43:26 GMT 1
Thanks for the feedback, guys. I like hearing your interpretations, makes it interesting re-reading it with another persons viewpoint. If I may ask for specific opinions - I was trying to use the structure of the poem to build a pace that matched what was going on - do you think it worked? I mean, I know how it sounds in my head, but I don't know if I got it across...
|
|