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Post by Cali on Feb 11, 2011 3:45:32 GMT 1
*Opens a bottle of Blue Moon, sipping occasionally, cracks knuckles, and starts typing*
Well I'll start off by saying the prose and pace were pretty good! The atmosphere of Omega was captured superbly, and the implied death of Vox's significant other (at least what I think) suggested from his demeanor (and omni tool log) were well done, and kept things strictly hush hush. This sort of thing is not overdone, and I like it.
Garrus' cameo in the flashback was pretty funny, but kinda unnecessary. I don't think he worked in the C-Sec customs department, though to be fair, it's entirely possible he could have done some work there in the case of an understaffing crisis, so I'll go with that.
As for the 'present day' stuff, I quite liked it. I also am pretty interested in the fact that you adapted some elements from a Mass Effect RP. I'm actually a moderator for a roleplaying site (where we're pretty diverse about universes, canon, and other such things, we've been going strong for about five years), so I'm pretty into all that stuff. The bit where it goes indepth about turian biology is pretty cool, and you'd be the one to know since you're in the medical field.
And you left it open, where Nick recieves info that the Blue Suns got waxed down in the slums! Most likely by... well, you know who. I'm excited to see how it all turns out.
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Post by docfronkensteen on Feb 11, 2011 4:31:10 GMT 1
Wow. Thanks again for the great reviews.
As far as the Garrus cameo goes, I remembered something about him working to stop smugglers. And this is still a year or so before we meet him in the first game, so I figured he might have worked in customs or at security checkpoints at some point. Hell, he could have been just grabbing some overtime. But you haven't seen the last of him in this fic (wink)......
Yup, all of Mara's stuff isn't me. I may have edited some stuff out or changed the order, but 99% is the same from out RP. I just smoothed it over so it wasn't like reading forum posts.
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Post by Cali on Feb 12, 2011 21:11:28 GMT 1
For your new chapter:
Well it's revealed that Vox really does have a sense of honor, as was evident in that last bit. It's interesting that Nick is the only person in the story who he engages in friendly banter with. The only guy he can jovially say "I was just out of thermal clips" to, and tell a drunken mercenary charlatan that it would be the wrong thing to kill him. I'm not saying this is a bad thing at all! I think it's rather fascinating for some reason.
You should also shed some light on why Vox recorded all their times together. He was most likely just trying to catch the moment, as is probable, but one would like to know why he does it.
As usual, keep em coming!
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Post by docfronkensteen on Feb 12, 2011 21:54:36 GMT 1
Thanks again, glad you're liking it. I had a blast writing the banter at the beginning of the chapter. As far as the recordings go, I imagined them like some sort of "home movies" diary type thing. The scenes that Vox remembered weren't necessarily recorded in their entirety; but the flashbacks are triggered by the recordings (If that makes sense). I'll see if I can clarify this in the next chapter.
Vox's joke about the thermal clips was a throwback to the previous stories. Nick and Vox are locked in a standoff, Nick shoots (but misses), but Vox doesn't. It turns out he didn't have any thermal clips, and was only bluffing.
And I've been enjoying your fic as well. I'll make sure to post a review soon.
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Post by Cali on Feb 22, 2011 22:30:52 GMT 1
Finished it. The last chapter was great, noticed a few spelling errors and such, but really, a good story overall. Will make a better review when the time comes.
Grade: N5 (Great)
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Post by docfronkensteen on Feb 23, 2011 2:35:27 GMT 1
Awesome, glad you liked it. I just did and edit and added a paragraph that somehow got cut when I first posted this.
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