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Post by Mister Buch on Apr 23, 2009 16:42:18 GMT 1
So I finally got some time to read this!
This story is great fun, and I like its tone. I love a detective story, so this will be good to read. And the whole buddy-cop dynamic with the trainee detective is good too.
Jarrod is a likeable protagonist and there is a nice sense of humour to the story too. So far I like the scene with him and Feira interacting the best. I hope she will appear later.
My criticism is the grammar - I am very picky about this sort of thing, but it can be hard to read at times.
Caveman, have you considered putting this up on fanfiction.net too? You also might want to get a beta reader to work through the grammar and stuff.
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caveman
Serviceman 3rd Class
"A Volus and an Asarai are walking in a Krogan's bar"
Posts: 45
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Post by caveman on Apr 23, 2009 18:38:24 GMT 1
Thanks well *SPOILER* well since he's going to Thessia (the asari homeworld) He will walk into Feira manytimes later*
No I don't have a Beta reader, how ever would you like to be mine? As I said, I'm NOT the best at English. But I can still improve it.
As for ff.net I'm not sure, Not until its finnished
And People Who Read this
I'll be gone this weekend on some homeguard training event. So I Have no chance of writing.
Next chapter will be upp next week some day.
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Post by Mister Buch on Apr 23, 2009 19:18:44 GMT 1
I remember you said you weren't the best with English, but I wanted to point it out anyway because I am a real grammar Nazi. Sorry. No I don't have a Beta reader, how ever would you like to be mine? I am flattered! But I am so so busy at the moment I can't do a proper job of Beta reading.
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Post by Mister Buch on Apr 23, 2009 19:20:43 GMT 1
If you like, I could just polish up the grammar and the English? That wouldn't be any trouble at all.
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caveman
Serviceman 3rd Class
"A Volus and an Asarai are walking in a Krogan's bar"
Posts: 45
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Post by caveman on Apr 23, 2009 19:25:34 GMT 1
Yeah, sure, but for the "Beta" reading I'll just send the chapter I'm done with to you, you fix the grammar and stuff send it back to me and I'll publish it.
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Post by Mister Buch on Apr 23, 2009 19:30:41 GMT 1
Sure. I will see what I can do with the existing four chapters in the next few days. You can find my email address on my profile here.
As I say, it won't be a proper Beta read, just fixing little bits.
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caveman
Serviceman 3rd Class
"A Volus and an Asarai are walking in a Krogan's bar"
Posts: 45
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Post by caveman on Apr 23, 2009 19:32:14 GMT 1
Yeah...
Eh, you've got msn on that mail?
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Post by Mister Buch on Apr 23, 2009 19:42:15 GMT 1
Oh I do have MSN (on a different email) but I never use it mate.
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caveman
Serviceman 3rd Class
"A Volus and an Asarai are walking in a Krogan's bar"
Posts: 45
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Post by caveman on Apr 23, 2009 19:50:38 GMT 1
Ok, Then I'll know.
To... Everyone I might have time to squeeze in a little time to write some
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