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Post by docfronkensteen on Feb 5, 2011 2:01:11 GMT 1
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Post by Cali on Feb 6, 2011 3:36:13 GMT 1
When it comes to a four chapter story about a lowly smuggler, I don't think this could have done better than you did with it!
Nick is a simplistic character put in such a situation that it makes him nearly as interesting as a normal one. It was a great touch how there wasn't really anyone he actually trusted, even the crew of his ship, and once his freighter was shipwrecked on the surface of the planet, it only got more interesting.
Nick's a run of the mill bootlegger, words scribbled in tiny words on him that imply past demons. It's also nice to see that he's a former combat medic, which is refreshing from all the gung ho soldiers, commandos, and biotic sensitives that keep getting exposure. Not saying I don't like the typical sniper or adept, but an engineer, technician, or a smuggler is always a nice touch.
The final encounter scene between Nick, his captain, and Vox was well done, and since this was such an unusual story, I really didn't know who was going to go down!
Bit of a negative coming up, I'm afraid: I still think the ending was rather abrupt. The Mexican standoff itself also was sort of strange, as you think the captain would take out Nick first and not threaten to finish off a wounded turian. I mean, they are pointing guns at eachother after all, wouldn't it be first priority to deal with those who pose a more significant danger to you first?
Final Score (Using my new N7 Review grade system for Mass Effect fanfics, N1 being the bare minimum in quality, and N7 being fantastic): N4 - Pretty Good
Still, keep it up. I'll read your new story after I finish writing this Dr. Frankenstei- uh, er- *ahem*, Fronkensteen...
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Post by docfronkensteen on Feb 6, 2011 4:16:53 GMT 1
Thanks for the in depth review! I'm going to run through all of my points, to show my reasoning and thought process behind the story and characters. When it comes to a four chapter story about a lowly smuggler, I don't think this could have done better than you did with it! Nick is a simplistic character put in such a situation that it makes him nearly as interesting as a normal one. It was a great touch how there wasn't really anyone he actually trusted, even the crew of his ship, and once his freighter was shipwrecked on the surface of the planet, it only got more interesting.. I always find that, at least for me, concentrating on what would seem to be a "lowly character" is more fun to write for. Its harder for me to write out action, dialogue is my forte. Interesting characters give me great dialogue to write. I always like the theme of throwing off preconceptions or prejudice ; so thats why I took two characters who would normally hate each other (Nick and Vox), and force them to work together, making them friends I find it hard to write for a character that has super amazing abilities. And like I said before, dialogue and personality are what makes a character interesting, not the amazing powers that they have. Plus, I always like to give a character a skill that I know something about. Another one of my characters in a different universe (takes place present day) was a weapons expert. I am a shooting instructor, so I know the fundamentals, and can lend realism to the character. I also work on an ambulance, so I hope to give some realism to Nick's medical knowledge, as well as his personality as someone who works in emergency medicine. Well, I tried to portray the captain as kind of crazy. First off, he didn't expect Nick to fire, he was playing a mind game. I'm not sure if I conveyed it effectively enough, but the captain of the smuggling ship was a veteran of the First Contact War against the turians. Hence his distrust and hatred, plus his craziness. Thanks! This is just a short introduction story for Nick and Vox, more in depth stuff is to come! The "Odd Man Out" short is just kind of an epilogue to this story.
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