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Post by Mister Buch on Jan 30, 2011 10:56:49 GMT 1
I enjoyed that one. It's good to read someone exploring the reasons behind the Virmire decision. I always wonder about it.
I liked little things here, such as the references to the Earthborn backstory. Little bits like having her name as Kitty back then really made that seem real, like you had imagined a much richer backstory and giving us a touch of it here. And I love the way you write Joker. He was spot-on: witty, cutting and kind. This exchange was very good.
- “Yeah, right. I’ve grown so attached to this chair that I can’t bear to pull myself away. Why are you here, Commander?”
“You were calling me ‘Kate’ a minute ago.”
“Yeah, and I was calling you ‘babe’ the minute before that. Is something up?” -
It's impressive for your first piece with an omniscient narrator. You wouldn't be able to tell. However, I did find it quite jarring having people address Shepard by her first name (despite the bit I quoted above!), simply because that never, ever happens in game. And calling Joker by his first name bothered me, too.
I think Shepard and Kaidan were a bit out-of-character as well - she seemed more emotional and frail than she does in-game, and Kaidan just the opposite, too bold and confident. I know the plot is about that, him confronting her, but it still seemed out of character: her espescially.
Good work! I hope the criticisms are constructive.
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Post by Mister Buch on Jan 30, 2011 15:16:13 GMT 1
Mr Buch also seems to have a lot of experience in matters of the heart, knows exactly how two people who care for each other would behave. I wish that were true! Far from it, I'm afraid. I appreciate your point, ayesha, but I stand by my opinion there.
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Post by MarianneClaus on Jan 30, 2011 18:41:02 GMT 1
Thank you all for your reviews; they were both kind and constructive.
It's funny because I received feedback on ff.net that Joker was out of character and Kaidan and Shepard right on spot. Ah well. It's all opinion.
Yes, I have a crazy backstory imagined up as well as "little moments" on the Normandy that float around in my head. Something I'd like to explore is Joker's motivation for interrupting Kaidan and Shepard. In my mind, I see Joker being a little sweet on a female commander but paralyzed (not sure I spelled that correctly) by his disability.
And, as for Kate Shepard, I always saw her as a woman dancing on broken glass. She was also the "Sole Survivor" profile and I think Akuze rattled her. She's also haunted by Virmire and it wakes up that part of her that is so rattled
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Post by Mister Buch on Jan 30, 2011 19:53:10 GMT 1
Well, that whole argument aside! it's a well-written and very enjoyable fic. Thanks for posting.
I see what you're saying about the sole survivor profile - I like my Shepard to be affected by that too. And ayesha - absolutely. I hope I didn't come across as rude there.
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