jraym16
Serviceman 3rd Class
I have transcended the need of an avatar.
Posts: 24
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Post by jraym16 on Jan 4, 2011 22:48:56 GMT 1
Hey everybody. I'm still here. The first official chapter of Mock Effect 2: The Other One is now up so I hope you all enjoy it. Please leave responses telling me what you think. Thank you. Jray out. Attachments:
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Post by Clint Johnston on Jan 4, 2011 23:19:19 GMT 1
Wow, was this timed to come out after mine? Because I was working like crazy to get 10 out before you finished chapter 1...
Things I liked: Lost Reference, John's demise and escape
Things I didn't like: You're still on the same thing with the line lifting. Don't be afraid to swap things up. That's what made Buch's work so funny. Case in point, the Tali character up to the replacement on virmire. Hardly any of that was scripted from ME. A few lines, but the rest was just pure laughs. I don't know what you've got planned, but what I do is video the actual convos and type them in to word. Then I create another document with Mock Effect, and use the actual convos as cues, not gospel.
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Post by jklinders on Jan 4, 2011 23:21:11 GMT 1
I was a little thrown off by how John was not killed. But then I realized that you had not explicitly said he was killed in the prologue. This makes really easy of course for him to egg Jane on about how she is her own worst fear now. A zombie.
If I had any complaint at all it is that Wilson got a bit too much screen time as it were. But it was really well done especially compared to my own work.
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jraym16
Serviceman 3rd Class
I have transcended the need of an avatar.
Posts: 24
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Post by jraym16 on Jan 5, 2011 0:48:22 GMT 1
@clint Yeah, I've noticed in my later chapters I've started to deviate a lot more from the game's script. That's probably because I wrote a lot of it on vacation and didn't have internet access so I couldn't look at the dialogue. We'll see how that turns out. jklindersYeah, I kinda got carried away with Wilson in that chapter, but I felt like it worked out alright.
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Post by Mr. Glow on Jan 5, 2011 0:59:56 GMT 1
Excellent! All the stuff pertaining to John's easy integration into Cerberus was hilarious.
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Post by Mister Buch on Jan 17, 2011 4:11:46 GMT 1
Loved this chapter. Actually I thought it was much funnier than the prologue, (which I liked too).
Lots of little things I never noticed, like how there were no mechs in Wilson's office.
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Post by Clint Johnston on Jan 19, 2011 17:13:21 GMT 1
FYI, Somebody posted a comment in the fanfiction thread.
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Post by jklinders on Jan 19, 2011 18:11:28 GMT 1
I PM'ed Buch, he'll get on it whenever he does. I'm guessing we need neon lights around the forum stickies.
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jraym16
Serviceman 3rd Class
I have transcended the need of an avatar.
Posts: 24
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Post by jraym16 on Jan 19, 2011 22:08:14 GMT 1
Thanks for the compliments, but there is a new chapter up, you know.
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