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Post by Clint Johnston on Dec 20, 2010 16:16:52 GMT 1
Ok, seeing the other guy (Raym, I think) coming in made me hurry up and finish chapter 9! And like I've said many times, if you see something that doesn't fit the story, tell me! Attachments:
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jraym16
Serviceman 3rd Class
I have transcended the need of an avatar.
Posts: 24
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Post by jraym16 on Dec 20, 2010 21:58:21 GMT 1
Well done CLint. A fine chapter.
My one criticism is that a couple of the jokes had kind of a delayed reaction time for me, like the one with the black holes. It kind of took me a minute to get it. I also noticed that Kasumi didn't really talk at all during the mission, a problem I've been encountering while writing as well.
Other than those things though, great job. Keep up the good work!
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Post by jklinders on Dec 20, 2010 22:58:26 GMT 1
Noticed one tiny typo in the line "give me "fine" minutes with him just five minutes. nothing spell check would have caught. For some reason I was expecting clippit to make a return here. I have no idea why...
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Post by Mr. Glow on Dec 20, 2010 23:44:42 GMT 1
I liked it a lot, especially the bit about the crew playing Twister. I can seriously imagine Joker doing that! Here's your magic car:
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Post by Clint Johnston on Dec 21, 2010 5:32:17 GMT 1
Thanks guys. I have a feeling Buch will say that car doesn't count, but it is very nice indeed.
Raym - Kasumi was going to make a cloaked appearance in the staff meeting, but it didn't fit the mood, and decided to leave the attendance funnies with the Grunt Joke and the Crew party. As for you not getting it... uh, sorry?
Linders - Must be intuition....
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