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Post by Mister Buch on Sept 13, 2010 21:19:35 GMT 1
Once again, I really enjoyed this. Nice one, Nemonus.
It did seem less structured and clean than some of your others I've read, a little too stream-of-consciousness I guess.
But everything in it was great. What I espescially loved was how almost all of Shepard's thoughts were running through my head during that fight, too. And it captures her demeanor very nicely in general. Lots of great descriptions, a real sense of tension.
This was my favourite bit:
She can picture herself and Vasir having tea together and telling war stories. No—these would be remarkable because they wouldn't be war stories. She’d tell the asari how she counts the stars and catnaps; Vasir would tell her about a human boyfriend (or something) and they’d watch the news together.
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Post by Nemonus on Sept 13, 2010 23:03:02 GMT 1
It was sooo stream of conscious. Half that stuff is what I was literally thinking as I played, and thought it would be less exciting stuffed into a review. It's not an uber-serious fic, just something to go in my drabble collection. ^_^
Thank you! That bit was my favourite too.
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Post by Mister Buch on Sept 13, 2010 23:28:40 GMT 1
You're a very good writer, Nemo.
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Post by Nemonus on Sept 13, 2010 23:50:09 GMT 1
Such a simple statement made me smile IRL. ^_^ Thank you.
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Post by lieden on Sept 14, 2010 7:14:04 GMT 1
Nice introspective piece. I always like that sort of vignettes, and yours is very well written. Oddly, the bit that Buch quoted ('She can picture herself and Vasir having tea together... Vasir would tell her about a human boyfriend (or something) and they’d watch the news together.') is my least favourite. *laughs* I must say I have a serious bias against any mention of tea and girly-girl talk in stories; and altogether I think that characters in adventure stories decidedly lack a certain domesticity that we writers often project onto them. I find this one, on the other hand, intensely beautiful: and the world has become her thoughts of trajectory and velocity and I can keep up. You really enjoyed LotC, by the way, didn't you? This piece speaks as though you plunged right into the story. Anyhow; thanks for sharing!
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Post by Nemonus on Sept 14, 2010 18:07:14 GMT 1
I can see what you mean about domesticity, and while I'm usually firmly on the side of feminism, I'll have to explain myself here so as not to appear its enemy.
I'm pretty fond of tea, and also pretty sure that I'm not domestic, which is...about the extent of that. I don't think there's any indication that Shepard made the tea--Gardner probably did. XD
I see your point, but I just didn't think about it that much. XD Everybody needs down time. They're watching the news, not "Twilight". : P Shepard and Liara talk about their significant others, so why not Shepard and Vasir? I wanted it to have more the feel of police on their downtime than...normal women on their down time.
Yeah, that's all.
Thank you. ^_^ That bit about trajectory is based entirely on how I write Darth Maul.
Gah I loved it. I probably irritated the heck out of my roommates with all the commentary during the final battle. It was an intense story, easy to plunge into!
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