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Post by Clint Johnston on Sept 11, 2010 20:36:14 GMT 1
I don't think I did as good a job on this one. I just couldn't figure out a way to improve garrus. LOL Attachments:
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Post by Mr. Glow on Sept 11, 2010 22:44:46 GMT 1
I really enjoyed the lines about plot holes you addressed after Garrus got taken back to the Normandy, That's the sort of stuff that deserves to be riffed on!
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Post by Battlechantress on Sept 11, 2010 23:01:37 GMT 1
I think you did fine. I laughed out loud several times. I agree with Mr Glow too. I just noticed a few minor things: three gangs worth < needs an apostrophe after gangs citadel < capitalize Goddam < missing an "n", and the word isn't usually capitalized if you're using "goddamn" (it is if you write it as two seperate words, though) (If there was anything else, I was laughing too hard to notice. ) Cheers.
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Post by jklinders on Sept 12, 2010 2:17:08 GMT 1
I don't know battlechantress. I kinda like goddam if the word is spoken by Zaeed. it helps bring out his cockney accent pronunciation.
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Post by Battlechantress on Sept 12, 2010 2:50:07 GMT 1
Zaeed isn't the only one who says it that way in chapter 4, though.
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Post by jklinders on Sept 12, 2010 3:53:14 GMT 1
OK fine, but Zaeed should be allowed to.
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Post by Clint Johnston on Sept 12, 2010 5:26:31 GMT 1
Yeah, for zaeed, that spelling stays. In fact, writing his loyalty story should be interesting, because I think he'll be using it every line. (which will be riffed on, too, incidentally)
I'll adjust the other uses.
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Post by Clint Johnston on Sept 12, 2010 5:32:24 GMT 1
I've searched with the word find tool, and the "Goddam" spelling is only in Zaeed lines. Perhaps you're mistaken? Anyhow, I fixed the other two mistakes, and will be posting over on Bioware soon.
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Post by Battlechantress on Sept 12, 2010 11:37:11 GMT 1
I'll look again after work, but I could've sworn I saw it twice.
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Post by Clint Johnston on Sept 12, 2010 14:31:30 GMT 1
Zaeed says it three different times.
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Post by Mister Buch on Sept 12, 2010 14:57:09 GMT 1
I agree that Zaeed's 'Goddam' catchphrase should be spelled like that, too.
I thought this chapter was good, actually. I laughed a lot. This was the highlight for me-
JANE: Waaaaait a minute. Hold everything. How did we get here? One second ago we were trapped in an isolated part of a gang planet/asteroid with a severely wounded compatriot and tons of pissed off gang members between us and the exit. How are we back on the ship now? Why is the Armory head giving me a medical report? And why don’t we have any chairs?
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Post by jklinders on Sept 12, 2010 14:59:16 GMT 1
Did Garrus really have to sleep through the whole fight though? He's not going to do that the rest of the story is he? Have to say though if I was Garrus and just got reinforcements for the first time in a couple of days I'd be tempted to nap too.
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Post by Clint Johnston on Sept 12, 2010 19:36:55 GMT 1
Like I said, not sure what direction I'm going to take Garrus. Not lazy, though, that only worked here because of the siege. I really wanted to work in some criticism of this is the worst way to besiege an enemy, but it didn't fit anywhere.
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Post by Battlechantress on Sept 12, 2010 22:43:05 GMT 1
Yes, can somebody please explain to me why the SR-2 does not have a decent number of chairs? Especially in Shepard's quarters by her terminal? The old ship was smaller, but at least it had them!
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Post by Mister Buch on Sept 13, 2010 0:20:55 GMT 1
I can't really remember what my 'thing' was for Garrus. In my abandoned Mock Effect 2, the plan was to make fun of his over-dramatic, Batman Behaviour - make him a ridiculous try-hard.
But so far, Clint, your version has proved better and more inventive than the jokes I had prepared. You'll figure something out!
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