Post by Battlechantress on Sept 7, 2010 4:49:43 GMT 1
You see a Bud Light with Lime ad and you have to ask: Is "real lime flavor" like a "genuine imitation"? What is the real difference between natural and artificial flavors? I mean, they are all made in a lab, right? So unless you're milking a coconut by hand at midnight for uh, what the hell is that coconut and dark chocolate candy called again? Oh I know 'cause I could sing that song "Almond Joy's got nuts, Mounds don't". I rode a bitch of an ex-racehorse named Almond Joy years ago. Damn was she mean. She didn't have any nuts. It's false advertising! But I mean it's probably not natural though right?.
Hey, don't play drums if you can't walk in a straight line 'cause you ain't sober! Fell off the throne, sent the snare flying, knocked the hi- hat over and dented one. Oopsie. Oh well, it beat watching another college football game I could barely follow. Did you know you can almost blind somebody playing darts this drunk? I stabbed a butt of my date once too. It was an accident, I mean it! He got in my way even though the dartboard was like 90 degrees to his right or something. Or maybe it was the left.
Don't answer the phone if your mother calls when you've been drinking. That's probably self-explanatory to most of you but honestly I forgot not to do that. Wow, like I needed another reason to drink.
Cricket makes as much sense drunk as when sober. Ashes? Century? Do they play in ashes for a century? Is that why it's a test? Why is that newsworthy?
Why do my exes decide to walk into my life at the fucking shitiest of times? "Hey, you already feel like shit, so why don't I break your heart again for fun?" Hey fucker, you already ripped it out, stomped on it, threw it into a blender and put it on puree, then you poured it out and stomped on it for good measure. Why the fuck am I going to let you have another go at that? My sanity is questionable but my intelligence level is not. So don't think that if you keep asking I will suddenly be as dumb as Paris Hilton or Miss South Or North Carolina and suddenly say, "Sure, why not?" I should start dating aliens. Sure the relationship will be doomed to fail but at least I'll know that from the get-go, and I won't have to worry about embarrassing relatives with ugly baby photos either. How far away is the nearest possibly habitable planet?
How bad a hangover am I about to give myself for this?
Daer Captain Morgan: If I'm drinking most of your so-called Private Stock, then is it really still private? Or should that be, uh, crap... I can't remember. It's not private though if I can find it in a halfway decently stocked liquor store in the ass end of nowhere, is it?
Hey, don't play drums if you can't walk in a straight line 'cause you ain't sober! Fell off the throne, sent the snare flying, knocked the hi- hat over and dented one. Oopsie. Oh well, it beat watching another college football game I could barely follow. Did you know you can almost blind somebody playing darts this drunk? I stabbed a butt of my date once too. It was an accident, I mean it! He got in my way even though the dartboard was like 90 degrees to his right or something. Or maybe it was the left.
Don't answer the phone if your mother calls when you've been drinking. That's probably self-explanatory to most of you but honestly I forgot not to do that. Wow, like I needed another reason to drink.
Cricket makes as much sense drunk as when sober. Ashes? Century? Do they play in ashes for a century? Is that why it's a test? Why is that newsworthy?
Why do my exes decide to walk into my life at the fucking shitiest of times? "Hey, you already feel like shit, so why don't I break your heart again for fun?" Hey fucker, you already ripped it out, stomped on it, threw it into a blender and put it on puree, then you poured it out and stomped on it for good measure. Why the fuck am I going to let you have another go at that? My sanity is questionable but my intelligence level is not. So don't think that if you keep asking I will suddenly be as dumb as Paris Hilton or Miss South Or North Carolina and suddenly say, "Sure, why not?" I should start dating aliens. Sure the relationship will be doomed to fail but at least I'll know that from the get-go, and I won't have to worry about embarrassing relatives with ugly baby photos either. How far away is the nearest possibly habitable planet?
How bad a hangover am I about to give myself for this?
Daer Captain Morgan: If I'm drinking most of your so-called Private Stock, then is it really still private? Or should that be, uh, crap... I can't remember. It's not private though if I can find it in a halfway decently stocked liquor store in the ass end of nowhere, is it?