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Post by Clint Johnston on Jul 30, 2010 6:38:15 GMT 1
So... Whadya think? The word file is attached here. I wonder why there was no option for it in the fanfiction section. Attachments:
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Post by Knightfall on Jul 30, 2010 9:29:49 GMT 1
I gotta say, when Buch let me know that he had handed the reigns of Mock Effect over to Some Guy, I wasn't completely convinced That Guy could pull it off. But you've done good work here, I was laughing all the way through. You've struck the balance between satire and pop culture celebration that made Buch's so great, but you're also making it your own, which is great. I lost it when Joker was racing to get his orc to an inn. xD
Good job so far. Anxious to read the rest of it!
Minor critique: I'm fairly certain it's spelled "Shepard" and not "Shepherd." =D
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Post by Mister Buch on Jul 30, 2010 12:47:24 GMT 1
Actually Knight I was talking about The Other Guy - expect his version soon, which is also good. I kept This Guy quiet. ;D
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No-one's ever mentioned attaching Word files before... can you not attach on the fanfic forum? I dunno why, I thought all out forums were identical.
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But yeah, Clint, this is excellent so far.
In fact it's a little too good... I was hoping it would be funny, but not quite as good as the version of ME2 I started! This is better, I think. Bastard.
I was laughing out loud from the beginning and had a list of favourite bits I was going to quote here. I also liked Joker's orc a lot - and John's cruelty is fantastic - 'I did! I even snapped his thumbs!'. John was one of the things I just couldn't make work in my attempt at this fic. In this chapter he had most of my favourite lines.
I must say you really have caught the style of the original - either that or our styles and senses of humour are very similar. This feels a lot like the Mock Effect 1 I wrote, and the parody I was inspired by. And all the references to Mock Effect 1 made me very happy. The zombie thing - brilliant.
JOHN: Enough with the boring stuff, who’s the saucy aussie chick? JACOB: That’s Miranda Lawson, the director of this facility. She oversaw your resurrection. Incidentally, I hit that. (JOHN high fives JACOB, JANE rolls her eyes)
Awesome.
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Post by jklinders on Jul 30, 2010 14:04:22 GMT 1
I'm enjoying it so far. looking forward to the next installment
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Post by Clint Johnston on Jul 30, 2010 14:25:41 GMT 1
Sweet. I'll get to work on chapter 2 then. The Return of Tali...ohh boy.
I'll admit I wasn't sure about the thumbs line. JOHN would do it to be sure, but JANE was in control of the ship then, and it seemed like something she'd come down on him for, breaking the thumbs of an invalid.
Oh and as to "Shepherd", you can blame spell check. I may leave it that way, just to maintain some independence from the Man.
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Post by Battlechantress on Jul 30, 2010 23:55:11 GMT 1
I really can't add much, except that I loved this: JACOB: Despite my sudden outbreak of conscience in confessing I work for a mass murderer, I have no intention of quitting in the near future. Brilliant.
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Post by Clint Johnston on Jul 31, 2010 3:58:54 GMT 1
What do you all say to The Illusive Man's pejorative nickname being Tim? I noticed Chantress, that you used it in your current story, and I've seen it other places before, and I was having trouble coming up with something that conveyed the right feel.
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Post by Battlechantress on Jul 31, 2010 4:08:53 GMT 1
I think anything that lets the writer get out of having to type out "the Illusive Man" over and over again works. Once the reader knows who "Tim" is, you shouldn't have to go back to using his name (unless you're talking to another character who may not know what it means. Like when Shepard finally reunites with Garrus. He's not going to know who he is or what Shepard will refer to him as until (s)he tells him).
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Post by jklinders on Jul 31, 2010 4:08:55 GMT 1
What do you all say to The Illusive Man's pejorative nickname being Tim? I noticed Chantress, that you used it in your current story, and I've seen it other places before, and I was having trouble coming up with something that conveyed the right feel. Works for me. Heck feel free to invoke Monty Python regarding it as well if you want. I think TIM came out because people like me are too lazy to type out his self proclaimed title. Jane Shepard is more than sarcastic enough to make that title into an acronym then start calling him that as an insult. I say go for it.
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Post by Clint Johnston on Jul 31, 2010 4:09:51 GMT 1
Ooh, Monty Python. "Let's not go to the citadel, tis a silly place"
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Post by Mr. Glow on Jul 31, 2010 22:54:17 GMT 1
Great first chapter, I can tell this is gonna be a worthy successor to the original. My favourite part was the Michael Jackson exchange between Joker and Pressley. It really reminded me of Futurama. Probably the future distortion of current events. Congratulations Clint.
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Post by ommadawn on Aug 3, 2010 2:55:57 GMT 1
That was great! I'd better not read the next chapter at work though, too many strange looks when I laughed too loudly ("I hit that.", priceless!)
More, please.
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Post by Clint Johnston on Aug 3, 2010 5:30:09 GMT 1
Your Wish is Granted. Chapter two is written and is being formatted for various postings now.
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