Post by Tillian Panthesis on Jul 9, 2010 8:06:54 GMT 1
Well, I think I've mention before but I've enjoyed the story so far. For someone who written this as their first fan fic, that's good work, especially with some of the crossover elements (Jill Valentine, STARS, Vincent Valentine). Unfortunately, I can't give a much more detailed feedback yet since I'm not finished with the story, but here's my impressions so far.
I like the action sequences, they are well paced and tense, along with the vivid details and descriptions. Especially the biotic fights and infiltrating an illegal holdout.
I have a few gripes and one of them I've mention the thread before was the dialogue where the Klausian described about his weapon inventory in his dialogue. I think as a reader, we already knew about his weapon arsenal, so no need to repeat that. Also one other thing, why does he need to talk about it to Jill. As I've asked before, is he trying to intimidate her about his deadly skills or is it merely an exposition about his guns and swords?
If he's intimidate her, he could have flippantly talked about his deadly skills that killed a krogan in 5 secs or something instead of using threat with his weapons. From the way he stash his weapons in the story, they are quite visible to the naked eye, so no need to repeat about the inventory as one look does make a normal person crap their pants already.
If it's exposition, again no need to repeat it since we've already knew what weapons he had during the fighting inside the Blue Suns holdout.
Other than the repetition, it's quite an enjoyable read so far. Don't let my criticism get in the way of continuing your work. I'm only trying to give out some advice and such, not bashing your fic. I hope I don't sounded too harsh.
So keep it up.
I like the action sequences, they are well paced and tense, along with the vivid details and descriptions. Especially the biotic fights and infiltrating an illegal holdout.
I have a few gripes and one of them I've mention the thread before was the dialogue where the Klausian described about his weapon inventory in his dialogue. I think as a reader, we already knew about his weapon arsenal, so no need to repeat that. Also one other thing, why does he need to talk about it to Jill. As I've asked before, is he trying to intimidate her about his deadly skills or is it merely an exposition about his guns and swords?
If he's intimidate her, he could have flippantly talked about his deadly skills that killed a krogan in 5 secs or something instead of using threat with his weapons. From the way he stash his weapons in the story, they are quite visible to the naked eye, so no need to repeat about the inventory as one look does make a normal person crap their pants already.
If it's exposition, again no need to repeat it since we've already knew what weapons he had during the fighting inside the Blue Suns holdout.
Other than the repetition, it's quite an enjoyable read so far. Don't let my criticism get in the way of continuing your work. I'm only trying to give out some advice and such, not bashing your fic. I hope I don't sounded too harsh.
So keep it up.