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Post by Tillian Panthesis on Jul 9, 2010 7:03:55 GMT 1
So far I'm still on Chapter 2 but here's my thoughts about it so far:
The story and the setting is intriguing, with Ven and Andrim planning a counter-sabotage operation against Cerberus. Also I've liked how you've decided to expand the ME universe by adding off camera events and original characters into the story, while trying make the story universal for everybody's Shepard.
Your writing prose is nice, especially some of the description about the atmosphere in the Afterlife bar in chapter 1.
However, I do, have a few criticisms with it though.
I know this story was based on your RP character, but it's unnecessary to add the main character's bio at the beginning. I'm not really sure how RP goes, but usually when you write fictions, whether is fan based or original, most writers tend to leave out the working details. Those details such as bios, rough drafts, world overview, etc. There's a good reason for it too, one of them is that revealing all the hidden details tends to... well spoiled the tension and excitement from the story. I would have feel the prang at Ven's revelation about crossing with Cerberus' path in the past near of Chapter 1 if it weren't for the fact, I've already knew it from the bio section at the beginning.
Otherwise, it's good good. Keep it up.
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lleuen
Serviceman 3rd Class
Posts: 11
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Post by lleuen on Oct 2, 2010 2:14:24 GMT 1
Thanks a bunch for the interest; I really do appriciate it! I'd like to post more chapters but RL is hectic at the moment, and I've been considering writing a backing short-series to replace that god-awful bio as well as completely revamping my main one. It all feels incredibly rushed.
Plus, while I'm at it, read other people's fanfics. Everyone deserves some recognition for their hard work and creative expression, and I feel selfish for only logging on to deal with my stuff alone.
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