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Post by Mister Buch on Mar 6, 2009 20:39:01 GMT 1
Really good idea to make a fanfic based on the famous trailer. And I think you handled it nicely, not telling us anything beyond what the trailer tells us while expanding on the crew's reactions.
You got Joker and Kaiden's personalities down great, and their interaction too. I loved the 'Hanar skin flick' joke by the way. Eew.
My criticism is just that the grammar and structure were off quite often. And once you used the phrase 'metaphorical button' where I think metaphorical is the wrong word bcause he was literally pressing something. Sorry I can be an arse about things like that. It needs a wee polish but was a very good read and I like the name Sora for Shepard too.
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Post by Hodster on Mar 9, 2009 16:01:52 GMT 1
I liked it. You got the reactions of the people just right, and like Mister Buch said I think you did a good job at not telling us anything beyond the trailer.
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