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Post by Mister Buch on Dec 14, 2009 1:04:08 GMT 1
Wow. Well done Scarin, really.
I've been wondering about this day for a long time! You must be relieved? And they actually seem to have taken it rather well.
I'm sure you've not heard the last of it. And it's been years since I told my parents, but they STILL seem to think it's a phase... different generation I guess.
Dealing with the rest of the family etc will all have to come in time. But methinks the hardest part is now taken care of?
Anyway, that post was good to read!
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Post by Zarsthor on Dec 14, 2009 3:42:48 GMT 1
Wait wait wait wait wait!
Buch? You're gay? Dear god is everybody gay here?
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Post by Tillian Panthesis on Dec 14, 2009 3:52:20 GMT 1
No Zars, Buch is a Bi. I think he mention that somewhere before.
Well... I'm relieved to hear about the news Ras. I was afraid to click on the thread last night. I was worried what the outcome would be. Hopefully in time, things will get better for you and you can settle down with a nice girl someday.
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Post by Zarsthor on Dec 14, 2009 4:06:46 GMT 1
I knew he was Bi. Its just the way he said that just then made it sound like he was out right gay.
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Post by Mister Buch on Dec 14, 2009 12:40:03 GMT 1
Yes, I'm bi. Almost straight, at that.
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Post by Zarsthor on Dec 14, 2009 12:42:35 GMT 1
OK so I don't have to readjust you in my head. I get really freaked out when I have to do that. You're definitely a freelance batter.
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Post by Rascarin on Dec 20, 2009 1:09:51 GMT 1
Well, its been six days, and now I can't help but wish that maybe that HAD kicked me out of the house - I was prepared to deal with that, at least. What I've had instead this last week is this strange constant attentiveness, and being asked all the time "are you alright?", then "are you sure?" as if for some reason I might not be. It's like they don't know how to treat me any more. Today we finally had a discussion about it (me, mum and dad), and it became very apparent that they both think its just a reaction to some bullying I went through when I was about 12, and that I should get counselling and that it will all be better. I tried explaining that being bullied has nothing to do with being gay, but dad really didn't seem to be listening. He got stroppy at me for ignoring his "advice" and said something along the lines of "well if its what you want to be, then you'll ignore what I'm telling you". Because, yup, thats right, it's all about me WANTING to be gay. Mum seems more willing to concede that sometimes people are just born that way, but does also think that there is a chance counselling might "cure" me. Then they both accused me of being grumpy. I wish I was back in Brighton.
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Post by Knightfall on Dec 20, 2009 2:27:07 GMT 1
I can imagine something like this being really confusing for parents who've never really given the prospect of it any thought. It's good that they didn't react angrily or freak out all over you. That's a good sign, but it might take them a while to get used to it.
Parents tend to build up images in their mind as to what might become of their offspring. Anything that doesn't sync up with that image is sorta like hitting the reset button and it's all very bewildering. They're probably just not sure how to handle it, or if they should handle it at all.
I know it's not the same thing, but that's why I still haven't told my parents that I'm an atheist; I don't believe they'd take such a revelation sitting down. On one side, I've got the strict Mexican Catholics and the intolerant white Christians on the other. That's one storm I don't want to set in motion all that quickly. I know they'll think it was their fault or something, blame themselves or someone else. Then they'll probably take me to church at some point to pray about it.
The basic point there is if they haven't tried to perform an exorcism on you yet, then I'm sure they'll soften up about it considerably. You just have to give them time. Though I'm sure they won't make things completely easy on you in the meantime. ><
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Post by Zarsthor on Dec 20, 2009 8:00:33 GMT 1
I agree with Knight. When I brought my first girlfriend home my sister somehow hadn't realized I had a deep affection for the same sex. Everybody else knew but well my sister is my sister. She didn't talk to me for two days and wouldn't stay in the same room as me. Then she chilled and started trying a stratled rabbits version of hanging out. She'd sit in the same room as me and nodd or shake ehr ehad to questions. The point is, like how I was getting befuddled by Buch possibly being gay we make up little pictures in our heads of how people in our lives are. When that idea is disrupted its like suddenly finding out your girlfriend is a boy pre sex change. They're not exactly how you pictured them and then you wonder what else you got wrong about them and whether you know them at all. Your family is just going through a settling phase. They're re-adjusting their image of you and thats a hard thing to cope with at first. You feel like you need to relearn everything about a person but the fact they want to relearn you is a good thing. They care, they want you, they want to know who you are.
Don't be so anxious, everything is going to be alright and maybe you should accept the councelling to ease their minds. If they figure you're still the same after a couple of meetings then they'll figure out its for real but at the same time you have someone to speak to about the stress your feeling with coming out to your family. Its win, win.
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Post by Tillian Panthesis on Dec 20, 2009 8:39:49 GMT 1
I've agree both with Knight and Zars.
Like what knight said, parents tend to put their expectations and fears upon their offspring. And also some things they would rather not to think about when the time comes. If something happens outside of their comfort zone, they tend to be stuned and confused.
It might not be the same thing, but my parents did experiance such things a few times before. One of those cases when the doctor did a mental test that revealed that I've have autisum/asperbergers when I was like 5 years old. As you can imagine... my parents, particullary my mum, didn't take it well. Which is why I haven't left my parents home right up to now. They tend to be very overprotective to say the least. Despite all of that... within time, they did accept my condition as the part of me, hence they didn't bother to try and push me to be the same as the other peers in terms of 'normal' standards behaiviour and traits according to society.
Anyways, depending of the parents themselves, some take it well reasonability while others tend to be... extreme. In your case Ras, at least they didn't take the latter. They are very confused but in time, they will accept your sexual orientation in time like my parents did with my condition.
As for the conseling thing, I think you should go, but instead of discussing to the counsellor about 'trying' to get rid of your prefered sexual oreintation. Discuss about how the stress and the situation with your family that reacted to your confession and ask her/him for help in having your family come to terms with your sexual oreintation peacefully. Oh and one other thing, if the counsellor you're going to see did gave you the look about your oreintation as a illness like your family did, it's best to call off the sessions asap. Those people tend to be abrasive and causing more harm in psychology wise in the long run.
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Post by Mister Buch on Dec 21, 2009 0:35:56 GMT 1
I agree with Knightfall, Zarsthor and Tillian!
I'm sorry to hear that you're unhappy with them there, Scarin. But I am also still pretty surprised they didn't react as badly as we feared. The posts above make very good points - do look at this from their point of view - they must be very upset... for silly reasons I think, but still.
And it seems like they are trying, but annoying as hell that they're going for the old 'cure' approach, and viewing sexuality as a 'choice' as parents do.
No matter what the origin of your sexuality, it might be worth bearing in mind that you (I'm assuming) do also want to be gay, that is, are happier identifying as such. This might be something to stress to them.
And I agree - it may be a very good idea to get them to go to counselling with you - I would urge NOT in any effort to 'cure' you as that will just encourage your parents. But like Till was saying - to discuss it with you, and get them to listen to you. If you can get them to do that with you, that is. If they're anything like my parents, they don't like to discuss problems. Sounds a bit like that from what you said about them 'finally' talking it out with you.
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Post by Mr. Glow on Mar 10, 2016 11:56:36 GMT 1
Some Bolton men are actually pretty excellent! I can think of a few. Peter Kay, my mate Nick. My brother. My old maths teacher Mister Richardson. To be honest these are the only ones I can think of right now. But Bolton is not so bad!! EDIT: I also know some exemplary Bolton women. Buch was a closet House Bolton sympathizer.
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Post by jklinders on Mar 10, 2016 22:05:08 GMT 1
This thread has been dead so long I didn't even know it existed.
Epic thread necromancy there Glow.
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Post by Mr. Glow on Mar 10, 2016 22:38:53 GMT 1
I was searching for Iain Richardson on this forum to see if I'd previously mentioned my wish for House of Cards CGI monstrosities.
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