|
Post by Mister Buch on Oct 20, 2009 15:22:05 GMT 1
Welcome to the site, wolverfrog, and great work starting up this piece. I've never actually read a story chronicling the First Contact War, though it's one of the ideas I've considered myself several times. The beginning is suitably epic and sets the scene. I think you got all your Mass Effect history spot on - mentioning Grissom, Mars, Duvall's disbelief in aliens. Even the old, legal Cerberus got a mention, which certainly helped to set the time period. It was a very nice touch to infer how the Mars discovery would impact world religion, and I like your thoughts about old-fashioned warfare seeiming quaint. You only slipped into your old Bungie heritage once by mentioning Commander 'Halo' The military focus and the style in general reminded me of Drew Karpyshyn's novel, which made it feel very Mass Effect-esque. And I liked the dramatic ending. There were a few minor grammar issues - it's instead of its for example. It's hard to criticise the characters yet because this was mainly setting the scene and beginning the war. Anyways this was a good read. UPDATE: Holy crap, you're 14? Good work, man.
|
|
|
Post by wolverfrog49 on Oct 20, 2009 18:41:04 GMT 1
Thanks for reading it! Oh God, I just caught that Halo typo. It was meant to be Hale, but I think I put 'Hal' or something, and spellchecker corrected it to Halo, due to the fact I type it a lot.
I'm glad you liked it though, I'll be sure to check out your own work.
|
|