Post by sabby87 on Jul 6, 2008 20:06:59 GMT 1
A new Mass Effect parody, yay!
A/N: This is my very first attempt at a fanfic -- and my first attempt at writing something of a considerable length in English. It’s not my native language, so please forgive my errors and feel free to correct me I would appreciate your reviews!
So far I have only written the prologue, if you like it I will post the following chapters as soon as I have completed them.
By the way, the main character is based on the one I created for my second playthrough:
Thea Shepard
Adept
Colonist/War Hero
----
Prologue
INT: SOMEWHERE ABOARD THE NORMANDY: DAY
SHEPARD is gazing at Earth out of a window. Unheard, three men start talking about her.
UDINA: Well, what about Shepard? She grew up in the colonies.
ANDERSON: She knows how tough life can be out there. Not a single Starbucks on the whole Mindoir surface.
HACKETT: She proved herself during the Blitz, held off enemy forces on the ground while waiting for reinforces.
ANDERSON: She’s the only reason Elysium is still standing.
UDINA: We can’t question her courage.
HACKETT: Er… yeah. Courage. Captain Anderson, shouldn’t we tell him our fleet had actually jumped to FTL speed and left her to- [Anderson shoots an icy glance at him]
ANDERSON: Humanity needs a hero, and Shepard’s perfect cannon me- I mean, she’s the best we’ve got.
UDINA [sighs]: I guess I’ll make the call.
In the year 2008, developers at BioWare adapted the source code of an acclaimed-but-buggy sci-fi RPG. In the months that followed, these mysterious entities designed a startling new inventory interface and a new control system, enabling gamers to travel to the furthest stars with the Mako without swearing aloud.
The basis for this incredible port was the acquisition of the company by EA, a force that controlled the very fabric of space and time.
BioWare called it “still-an-Xbox-console-exclusive-no-PS3-version-so-we-didn’t-actually-lie-to-you”. Gamers call it..
-
-
-
MASS EFFECT PC
EXT: SPACE: DAY
A shot of the NORMANDY flying through the Solar System.
INT: NORMANDY MAIN DECK: DAY
JOKER utters pseudo-technical nonsense through the intercom, while SHEPARD walks all over the NORMANDY, seemingly lost.
SHEPARD: Hey Jenkins! JENKINS! Where’s the cockpit supposed to be? This ship is absurd!
JENKINS: Don’t worry, ma’am, I’ll show you the way. It’s quite simple actually, once you get used to it. Nobody’s still figured out where the bathroom is, though.
SHEPARD: Turian design, eh?
INT: NORMANDY: COCKPIT: DAY
JOKER is flying the ship. KAIDAN is sitting next to him, in the co-pilot’s chair, without any apparent reason. NIHLUS approaches.
NIHLUS: My presence here has no purpose. Actually, my presence in this game has no purpose. I suppose they just wanted to give me some screen-time because I’m so cool. Just… er… go on with whatever it is that you’re doing, both of you. I’ll go to Captain Anderson now.
NIHLUS walks away.
JOKER: I hate that guy.
KAIDAN: Who cares about him. Let’s talk Shepard, instead.
JOKER: Hm, quite a lot to say here [grins in a malicious way, unaware that SHEPARD, who has finally found the cockpit, is standing right behind him]. Most beautiful pair of legs I’ve seen on this ship in a long time.
KAIDAN: You said it. Man, when I saw her pass by with that tight N7 suit on…
SHEPARD: Sorry to disturb you. I guess you were discussing topics of essential interest to the mission.
JOKER: Er…
JOKER and KAIDAN exchange a quick worried look. Fortunately for them, we hear CAPTAIN ANDERSON’s voice through the intercom.
ANDERSON: Joker, status report!
JOKER: Why do you need another status report? I’ve been yelling status reports through the intercom all day long! That’s all I am actually capable of doing.
ANDERSON: Never mind. Have you managed to find a way to keep the turian busy while I discuss the mission with the useful guys?
JOKER: I’m afraid he’s coming to see you, Captain.
ANDERSON: Oh, not again. How many times have I told you – doesn’t matter. Is Shepard there?
JOKER: Yes, sir.
ANDERSON: Send her to me immediately. We have something to discuss.
ANDERSON cuts communication. SHEPARD rolls eyes and heads for the crew quarters.
JOKER: The captain’s always in a bad mood.
KAIDAN [sarcastically]: Yeah, I wonder why. By the way, we were talking about Shepard. Do you have any… plans on her? Not because I do, you know, it’s just…
JOKER: Don’t worry Lieutenant, I’m sticking with Chief. Redheads aren’t quite my type.
KAIDAN: Perfect.
A/N: This is my very first attempt at a fanfic -- and my first attempt at writing something of a considerable length in English. It’s not my native language, so please forgive my errors and feel free to correct me I would appreciate your reviews!
So far I have only written the prologue, if you like it I will post the following chapters as soon as I have completed them.
By the way, the main character is based on the one I created for my second playthrough:
Thea Shepard
Adept
Colonist/War Hero
----
Prologue
INT: SOMEWHERE ABOARD THE NORMANDY: DAY
SHEPARD is gazing at Earth out of a window. Unheard, three men start talking about her.
UDINA: Well, what about Shepard? She grew up in the colonies.
ANDERSON: She knows how tough life can be out there. Not a single Starbucks on the whole Mindoir surface.
HACKETT: She proved herself during the Blitz, held off enemy forces on the ground while waiting for reinforces.
ANDERSON: She’s the only reason Elysium is still standing.
UDINA: We can’t question her courage.
HACKETT: Er… yeah. Courage. Captain Anderson, shouldn’t we tell him our fleet had actually jumped to FTL speed and left her to- [Anderson shoots an icy glance at him]
ANDERSON: Humanity needs a hero, and Shepard’s perfect cannon me- I mean, she’s the best we’ve got.
UDINA [sighs]: I guess I’ll make the call.
In the year 2008, developers at BioWare adapted the source code of an acclaimed-but-buggy sci-fi RPG. In the months that followed, these mysterious entities designed a startling new inventory interface and a new control system, enabling gamers to travel to the furthest stars with the Mako without swearing aloud.
The basis for this incredible port was the acquisition of the company by EA, a force that controlled the very fabric of space and time.
BioWare called it “still-an-Xbox-console-exclusive-no-PS3-version-so-we-didn’t-actually-lie-to-you”. Gamers call it..
-
-
-
MASS EFFECT PC
EXT: SPACE: DAY
A shot of the NORMANDY flying through the Solar System.
INT: NORMANDY MAIN DECK: DAY
JOKER utters pseudo-technical nonsense through the intercom, while SHEPARD walks all over the NORMANDY, seemingly lost.
SHEPARD: Hey Jenkins! JENKINS! Where’s the cockpit supposed to be? This ship is absurd!
JENKINS: Don’t worry, ma’am, I’ll show you the way. It’s quite simple actually, once you get used to it. Nobody’s still figured out where the bathroom is, though.
SHEPARD: Turian design, eh?
INT: NORMANDY: COCKPIT: DAY
JOKER is flying the ship. KAIDAN is sitting next to him, in the co-pilot’s chair, without any apparent reason. NIHLUS approaches.
NIHLUS: My presence here has no purpose. Actually, my presence in this game has no purpose. I suppose they just wanted to give me some screen-time because I’m so cool. Just… er… go on with whatever it is that you’re doing, both of you. I’ll go to Captain Anderson now.
NIHLUS walks away.
JOKER: I hate that guy.
KAIDAN: Who cares about him. Let’s talk Shepard, instead.
JOKER: Hm, quite a lot to say here [grins in a malicious way, unaware that SHEPARD, who has finally found the cockpit, is standing right behind him]. Most beautiful pair of legs I’ve seen on this ship in a long time.
KAIDAN: You said it. Man, when I saw her pass by with that tight N7 suit on…
SHEPARD: Sorry to disturb you. I guess you were discussing topics of essential interest to the mission.
JOKER: Er…
JOKER and KAIDAN exchange a quick worried look. Fortunately for them, we hear CAPTAIN ANDERSON’s voice through the intercom.
ANDERSON: Joker, status report!
JOKER: Why do you need another status report? I’ve been yelling status reports through the intercom all day long! That’s all I am actually capable of doing.
ANDERSON: Never mind. Have you managed to find a way to keep the turian busy while I discuss the mission with the useful guys?
JOKER: I’m afraid he’s coming to see you, Captain.
ANDERSON: Oh, not again. How many times have I told you – doesn’t matter. Is Shepard there?
JOKER: Yes, sir.
ANDERSON: Send her to me immediately. We have something to discuss.
ANDERSON cuts communication. SHEPARD rolls eyes and heads for the crew quarters.
JOKER: The captain’s always in a bad mood.
KAIDAN [sarcastically]: Yeah, I wonder why. By the way, we were talking about Shepard. Do you have any… plans on her? Not because I do, you know, it’s just…
JOKER: Don’t worry Lieutenant, I’m sticking with Chief. Redheads aren’t quite my type.
KAIDAN: Perfect.