Post by Cali on Apr 8, 2018 22:10:17 GMT 1
To Steve Easterbrook, CEO of McDonalds,
I have a lucrative idea that will not only lift your now struggling company out of the doldrums, but increase profits by steep margins.
First off, the Hamburglar has gone soft in recent years. The costumers no longer fear him. I believe it is necessary to to threaten you customers with some sort of villain, to increase the perceived value of the food.
But how do you shake the core of the modern public, hardened by 9/11 and other recent atrocities? What is it they fear the most? The answer is "chaos". They do not fear those who simply seek to loot and pillage as the Hamburglar did, but those who seek to destroy.
So me and the boys came up with a new character concept known as the "McShitter", a fiendish creature who jumps up on tables and shits on the customers meals. I know it's fucked up, but "shit" in itself is one of the few remaining apolitical threats, as 99% of people on both sides of the perspective are ostensibly repulsed by it.
This is money in the bank. Put the McShitter on most of your branding and advertising, and enjoy a tenfold increase in likes and retweets. Your current slogan will no longer do. I would suggest replacing it with "Look out. Here comes the McShitter!"
It will go without saying that he's an ugly son of a bitch, goblin like. Someone you'd not particularly want shitting on your food. I would suggest studying caricatures from the early-mid 20th century racist war propaganda to help devise his gruesome appearance.
That's it. Thank you for hearing me out. I am a huge fan of the "Big Mac" and am nice once you get to know me.
With most sincere admiration,
James Phillips
I have a lucrative idea that will not only lift your now struggling company out of the doldrums, but increase profits by steep margins.
First off, the Hamburglar has gone soft in recent years. The costumers no longer fear him. I believe it is necessary to to threaten you customers with some sort of villain, to increase the perceived value of the food.
But how do you shake the core of the modern public, hardened by 9/11 and other recent atrocities? What is it they fear the most? The answer is "chaos". They do not fear those who simply seek to loot and pillage as the Hamburglar did, but those who seek to destroy.
So me and the boys came up with a new character concept known as the "McShitter", a fiendish creature who jumps up on tables and shits on the customers meals. I know it's fucked up, but "shit" in itself is one of the few remaining apolitical threats, as 99% of people on both sides of the perspective are ostensibly repulsed by it.
This is money in the bank. Put the McShitter on most of your branding and advertising, and enjoy a tenfold increase in likes and retweets. Your current slogan will no longer do. I would suggest replacing it with "Look out. Here comes the McShitter!"
It will go without saying that he's an ugly son of a bitch, goblin like. Someone you'd not particularly want shitting on your food. I would suggest studying caricatures from the early-mid 20th century racist war propaganda to help devise his gruesome appearance.
That's it. Thank you for hearing me out. I am a huge fan of the "Big Mac" and am nice once you get to know me.
With most sincere admiration,
James Phillips