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Post by Hodster on Jul 3, 2008 23:41:08 GMT 1
This story is some action packed goodness ;D I like how this story is completely new and seperate from the Masseffect game such as there are no characters from the game. I loved the character Enforcer, a master of biotics and probally the best human biotic there is. I like how he uses biotic powers that aren't in the game. This is a good begining for the Enforcer and I encourage you to continue his story.
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Post by Rascarin on Jul 6, 2008 17:50:28 GMT 1
Looking good so far. Well written. The Enforcer character seems pretty neat and unique. Keep it up!
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Psi Syn
Serviceman 3rd Class
Posts: 4
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Post by Psi Syn on Jul 6, 2008 22:39:14 GMT 1
Thanx. Sorry I haven't responded sooner. Finals week for Summer Session 1 and I've got 4 classes ending this week. Entry II will probably be written and posted on Tuesday or Wednesday, depending on how much I get done today and tomorrow school wise. Glad you guys like it so far. The next one will give the backstory for the Enforcer b/c that was something I always wanted in Mass Effect. I wanted to know more about Torafin and what exactly did I do to seemingly sacrifice my men in order to complete the mission. Also, I started him without the upper abilities as you can see from him wanting to learn Singularity after seeing it once. Anywho... back to work for me and then I can read the new fanfics that have been written.
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Post by tindlem8 on Aug 17, 2008 23:12:15 GMT 1
Compelling.
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Post by Zarsthor on Jun 30, 2009 1:54:29 GMT 1
A good, dark and broody piece. I'm not sure if it could survive as anything long, the main character is difficult to grow accustomed to. He states everything but I don't feel able to connect with him as a character to follow. The mission is more interesting than the man and missions become stale and boring when denied emotional attachment. Thats not to say this is a bad piece in anyway. It works as a brilliant short and I enjoyed every aspect of the ride.
I noticed your grammar, spelling and general errors started to occur about half way through the story. Seems like you got tired of proof reading and just started rushing. Switching to abbreviations of words really didn't help this piece either. An example being: "I love it when they say that b/c all that means to me is that I am now free to kill them." It would have been better to write 'because'. Not everybody understand chat speak and I'm pretty used to most of it but even I had to stop and think "What is a b/c?"
The premise of this story was very intriguing. First person perspectives are difficult to pull off but you did a great job. I would like to see more of this story if you ever decide to write a little more but as I stated earlier, I don't think it would work as a directly larger story without having some form of emotional attachment added.
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