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Post by Cali on Jul 3, 2009 17:35:04 GMT 1
Ever wonder what the crew did when Shepard was out on shore party, or what the crew of the Normandy did during long FTL travels?
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SV-1 NORMANDY FLIGHT RECORDER >|< SYSTEMS ALLIANCE NAVAL PROPERTY, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED LOGGED DATED: 3/20/2183 SET SEC>PLAY 0001
(CUT TO - INTERIOR - NORMANDY COCKPIT)
JOKER clicks away at the mainframe computer, constantly checking the status of the FTL drives, power cells, and other such things, since there's not much else to do. KAIDEN is playing minesweeper on the opposite console, losing at every try.
JOKER: Shepard's been gone a long time... like... a really long time...
KAIDEN: I keep finding hairs in the bathroom sink... what the hell did you do?
JOKER: Pressly shaved twice since Shepard left.
JOKER and KAIDEN sigh. KAIDEN reaches his hands behind his head, supporting weight until he turns his head, cracking his neck.
JOKER and KAIDEN look at each other ominously.
JOKER tilts his head back, his neck popping. He looks to KAIDEN and smiles.
KAIDEN presses his palm to his opposite hand's knuckles, more popping sounds are heard.
JOKER raises his hands, streching his fingers rotating his hands, clasping fingers together and hinging them the opposite direction, more popping sounds are heard.
KAIDEN, looking annoyed, steps off his chair, standing straight, then arching his back to the side, popping noises resume.
JOKER then steps off the chair, his leg braces shaking along with his legs. He then arches his back to the side, more cracks heard. He then stretches out his arms in triumph.
A violent cracking sound is heard, JOKER screams and falls back on the Normandy's floor.
KAIDEN: (Smiling and chuckling) I'll go get Chakwas. ---
>|< End of log >|<
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Post by Cali on Jul 3, 2009 19:28:50 GMT 1
SV-1 NOMANDY FLIGHT RECORDER >|< SYSTEMS ALLIANCE NAVAL PROPERTY, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED LOGGED DATED: 3/20/2183 SET SEC>PLAY 0002
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PRESSLY: How are those pain meds Joker?
JOKER: I feel like embracing somebody.
PRESSLY: Good luck getting up to do it.
(Message chimes in on the computer)
JOKER: One second. Shepard just messaged me... what the hell? (Stares at the screen quizically)
PRESSLY: What is it?
JOKER: Says he's spending the night in the survivor quarters on Noveria.
PRESSLY: What...? What for?
JOKER: Says he's tired of navigating the Post 15 area, he needs a break.
PRESSLY: Should have just looked at the map.
(They are silent for a few moments.)
PRESSLY: Well, I guess I should break out the vids and the contraband.
JOKER: Good thinking.
(Minutes pass, Joker silently hums "Rhubarb" by Aphex Twin while staring out the docking bay window. Later Pressly comes in with a cardboard box full of vids, laying them on Kaiden's offline console.)
PRESSLY: Okay. First and foremost we have Top Gun.
JOKER: Ha! That movie inspired me to become a pilot!
PRESSLY: Actually, this is the remake with Marshall Cruise, Tom Cruise's great, great, great, great, grandson.
JOKER: Aw! You got to be kidding me.
PRESSLY: (looks at the back of the vid case. His eyes shuffle positions.) Oh, so it's a remake with Interceptors instead of F/14s, Terminus pilots instead of Soviets, the Einstein instead of the Patton... oh... and a thirty minute longer beach volleyball scene.
JOKER: Oh that, Adams said that Wrex went catatonic for two days after seeing that in the theater.
PRESSLY: Hmph. He didn't strike me as the cinema type (Throws the vid aside). Ah-hah! Ishtar, the Director's Cut!
JOKER: Oh, so Dustin Hoffman actually went back and edited the film before the lost souls of the people who saw it would stop haunting him at night.
PRESSLY: Wouldn't... doubt it. (Throws it aside) The Haunting of Moll-
JOKER: NO!
PRESSLY: (Nods, throws video aside) Street Fighter, with Raul Julia and Jean Claude Van Damme.
JOKER: NNNNNope.
PRESSLY: (Nods, and throws the video aside) Indiana Jones and the Ass that Ate Miami.
JOKER: George Lucas... why oh why, did you have to do that?
PRESSLY: Yeah (Shudders), if Harrison Ford refuses to be in it, then that should say something. (Throws it aside).
JOKER: What have you got now?
PRESSLY: How bout this (Pressly clears his throat) Letters from Skyllia. A war film, Best Picture Nominee at the Citadel movie awards.
JOKER: Huh. What's that about?
PRESSLY: (Looks on the back). Jake Gyllenall IV stars as a-
JOKER: Nevermind
PRESSLY: (Huffs, throwing the vid aside, picking up another one) Krogans and Daisies.
JOKER: Saw that before we left Earth.
PRESSLY: Okay, how bout the Volus Punisher?
JOKER: Has it become politically correct to cast Volus as action heroes and badasses in films these days?
PRESSLY: I guess so. (Looks on the back). Peter Travers III says it sucked, so forget that!
JOKER: He says everything sucks...
PRESSLY: (Throws it aside) CSI: Mindoir, Season 2
JOKER: There's a reason it was canceled after that season, Pressly.
PRESSLY: Yeah... (Throws it aside). Robot Chicken, the complete series.
JOKER: Finally! That's what I'm talking about.
PRESSLY: Unfortunately, I don't approve (tosses it aside).
JOKER: Oh, come on.
PRESSLY: Last one in the box. (Eyes widen) Hey, hey, hey! Look at what I found!
JOKER: What?
PRESSLY: I found Chinatown!
JOKER: Oh, FINALLY, something really good. Let's pop it in.
PRESSLY: (Pauses). Uh-oh.
JOKER: Whhhhaat?
PRESSLY: It's on Blu-Ray, and we haven't upgraded.
JOKER: Damn it! Send Wrex out there to get one or something.
PRESSLY: (Sighs) I'll......... see........ what I can do..... ---
>|< End of Log >|<
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Post by Cali on Jul 3, 2009 20:02:47 GMT 1
--- SV-1 NORMANDY FLIGHT RECORDER >|< SYSTEMS ALLIANCE NAVAL PROPERTY, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED LOGGED DATED: 3/23/2183 SET SEC>PLAY 0003
SHEPARD: Joker!
JOKER: Yes commander? Something you need?
SHEPARD: (Pauses) Give me control of the speaker, I need to talk to my crew.
JOKER: Something... good... I hope.
SHEPARD: It's just something they need to know.
JOKER: Gotcha, patching it through...
SHEPARD: (Clears throat)
(A few seconds pass)
BLASTING FROM THE NETHER OF AN ENDLESS ECHO CHAMBER IN THE DARKEST OF SUBURBAN NEIGHBORHOODS IN THE CENTER OF THE EBONY BLACKNESS LAYS A VEIL OF PURE RED AND BLOOD, WITHIN THIS CIRCLE OF AGONY SITS A SMALL CHILD ON A TRICYCLE! CRYING! SCREAMING! ABOVE HER STANDS HER FATHER! WITH HIS BELT OUT BEATING HER ABOUT THE WRISTS AS HIS HANDS GRIP TIGHTLY ON THE DISTRESSED LEATHER OF THE THICK BAND!
WHIPPING!
THE BLOOD COMES FRESHLY FROM THE MARKS THAT ARE NOW ABOUT HER BACK IT IS NOT A BEATING FOR PUNISHMENT BUT IT IS SADISM AND THE WAILING OF A MURDEROUS INSTRUMENT SINGLES FROM THE CHAMBERS OF HER HEART AND THIS IS THE PRICE SHE MUST PAY FOR BEING A CHILD!
THIS IS HER FORGIVENESS GIVEN BY THE LAST SINNER OF MANKIND HER FATHER STRIKES HER WITH EACH STRIKE COMES NEW TORMENT AND WITH EACH TORMENT LASTS A LIFELONG MEMORY THAT SHE WILL NEVER FORGET!
THIS CHILD IT IS NO LONGER A MERE GIRL
IT IS NOW KAIDEN ALENKO
(Looong Pause)
JOKER: (Stares up at Shepard)
SHEPARD: (Looks back at the crew on the consoles and the command deck, smiles).
JOKER: Is... that all you need to say commander...?
(CUT TO: NORMANDY QUARTERS)
KAIDEN: (Stands and stares bewildered up at the speaker)
LIARA: (Usual mellow voice) Oh, Kaiden! Does this have anything to do with mutual hatred or friction between you two, or... I'm not sure I understand human behavior, perhaps if I may, I can talk to Commander Shepard and let him speak of his-
KAIDEN: Liara...
LIARA: Yes Lieutenant Alenko?
KAIDEN: Please... go soak the tendrils on your head or something. Seriously.
LIARA: I'm not entirely sure what you're referring to Mr. Alenko.
(KAIDEN checks a cabinet beside his computer console while Liara drones on)
LIARA: If that is an insult or a venting of your own insecurities, I request that you tell me in person. It's difficult to describe human behavior yet it's so fascinating, I do believe that.
KAIDEN: DR. CHAKWAS! ARE WE OUT OF ASPRIN AGAIN?! ---
>|<End of Log>|<
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