Post by Lily Ariel Linders on May 26, 2012 21:40:09 GMT 1
I am not the author of this story (that would be Aerecura), but I felt this story needed a review, so here it is.
Wonderful story so far, Aerecura! I rather like how the story starts with a younger Shepard when she is still relatively innocent and hasn't seen all the horrors that she'll see once the whole Mass Effect storyline starts. It's refreshing to see the pre-soldier Shepard, and I like her personality. Your Shepard is not just a soldier / commander, she is a human with human feelings, and I like how that came out in this chapter.
I also like being introduced to her family, though I dread where this is going to go, knowing that by the time she joins with Captain Anderson and the Normandy, she is alone in the world family-wise.
I don't know a whole lot about the Mass Effect lore / background / origins, as I've read Mock Effect (both 1 and 2) and have only played the first game as far as becoming a Spectre, getting the Normandy, and surveying / exploring a few planets. I find myself having to ask Linders for help with some references I see in-game, and had to ask him what the Butcher of Torfan was... bad bad me. ;D But my point is, I don't think one would have to know everything about the ME background and lore in order to enjoy your story for what it is, and that is a good bit of writing.
That being said, the only real typo I could find was a word missing from the sentence “Wouldn't have wanted Piotr and Ilya from next door to swipe it when you weren't looking, would you?" The word "it" was missing (I added it in bold there), but really, the context was all there anyway, so it didn't hurt the story. It just looked funny...
All in all, great story, and I am rather excited to read more of it.
Wonderful story so far, Aerecura! I rather like how the story starts with a younger Shepard when she is still relatively innocent and hasn't seen all the horrors that she'll see once the whole Mass Effect storyline starts. It's refreshing to see the pre-soldier Shepard, and I like her personality. Your Shepard is not just a soldier / commander, she is a human with human feelings, and I like how that came out in this chapter.
I also like being introduced to her family, though I dread where this is going to go, knowing that by the time she joins with Captain Anderson and the Normandy, she is alone in the world family-wise.
I don't know a whole lot about the Mass Effect lore / background / origins, as I've read Mock Effect (both 1 and 2) and have only played the first game as far as becoming a Spectre, getting the Normandy, and surveying / exploring a few planets. I find myself having to ask Linders for help with some references I see in-game, and had to ask him what the Butcher of Torfan was... bad bad me. ;D But my point is, I don't think one would have to know everything about the ME background and lore in order to enjoy your story for what it is, and that is a good bit of writing.
That being said, the only real typo I could find was a word missing from the sentence “Wouldn't have wanted Piotr and Ilya from next door to swipe it when you weren't looking, would you?" The word "it" was missing (I added it in bold there), but really, the context was all there anyway, so it didn't hurt the story. It just looked funny...
All in all, great story, and I am rather excited to read more of it.