UzielTD
Serviceman 3rd Class
Posts: 45
|
Post by UzielTD on Jan 8, 2012 13:01:03 GMT 1
I accept any and all helpful criticism. If you just do, or don't like the story you can also put that here though.
Also, don't ask about the name of the story, it'll be explained eventually, assuming I write that much.
|
|
|
Post by Warhammer Gorvar on Jan 8, 2012 21:57:33 GMT 1
I like it. The dialogue is alright, the characters seem interesting and their reasoning is sound. Although Sqeaky seemed to be a bit calm still when their engines were screwed over because of Batarian fire.
|
|
UzielTD
Serviceman 3rd Class
Posts: 45
|
Post by UzielTD on Jan 9, 2012 23:39:50 GMT 1
Chapter 2 is up. Squeaky's relative nonchalance seems to continue, though. : D
|
|
|
Post by Cali on Jan 10, 2012 0:43:44 GMT 1
It's alright so far.
So far the characters are pretty underdeveloped but still have a unique charm. The no nonsense captain, the apathetic and fearless helmsman, and the dorky engineer. Looking forward to seeing them developed.
As for the overall prose I would suggest that you try not to rush the descriptions too much. I feel that the situations weren't elaborated enough, even the action seemed a little hasty. I know you're more of a dialogue person than a description person when it comes to keeping the plot moving, and so am I, but I still think there should be more action oriented detail, not just describing the sky for seven sentences and purple prose (which I agree, is not fun to read).
Just looking out for you bro. Keep them chapters coming.
|
|
UzielTD
Serviceman 3rd Class
Posts: 45
|
Post by UzielTD on Jan 10, 2012 2:22:15 GMT 1
I'm definitively intending to develop each of these character's in their own right, and I'll try fleshing out the details a little more, while I'm at it. Thanks for the suggestions, and remember I'm always open to anything I can do to make the story better, so no need to go easy on me.
|
|
UzielTD
Serviceman 3rd Class
Posts: 45
|
Post by UzielTD on Jan 16, 2012 11:42:57 GMT 1
Chapter 3 is up.
Hit me.
|
|
|
Post by Warhammer Gorvar on Jan 17, 2012 0:52:22 GMT 1
I take it back, i love Sqeaky ;D Also, big fan of the Krogan. He came across in character for his race very well.
|
|
|
Post by Warhammer Gorvar on Jan 22, 2012 2:36:47 GMT 1
Sorry about the delay for the review.
I loved this chapter, insane yet smart idea to get away from an enemy ship AND immobolise it. I may have missed it why the batarians didn't shoot at it...but other then that, it was cool. Sqeaky as always is my favourite character in all of this, twice as insane as Joker and i love it.
|
|
UzielTD
Serviceman 3rd Class
Posts: 45
|
Post by UzielTD on Jan 22, 2012 2:53:16 GMT 1
Yeah, I mentioned that the batarian captain wanted the ship immobilized but not destroyed. Since the ship was coming straight at them, they couldn't get a shot at it's engines to be able to do that.
And thx for the review, man. Gives me the impetus to write the next chapter.
|
|