Kane
Serviceman 3rd Class
Posts: 18
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Post by Kane on Jan 5, 2012 8:30:33 GMT 1
Welcome to Eden Code! I assume you've just read my story...so leave a review below!
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Post by Cali on Jan 6, 2012 4:53:51 GMT 1
A new story by Kanecorr? I gotta check this out.
(post will be edited once I finish reading)
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Post by Cali on Jan 6, 2012 6:30:31 GMT 1
Time to review:
I can already tell this is going to be a character driven story. Kane Corr seems like my kind of character; a jaded relic from another military era, backstabbed by the ones he called friends and left hung out to dry.
Yet he still strives to do the right thing. To avoid at all costs playing devil's advocate. To be a paragon. Enough to mentally flay himself whenever he is in a position where the law or bureaucracy prevents him from helping people. Even so, he knows his limits.
This type of character may be more or less prevalent in literature, but I'm definitely not one to think it's overdone.
As for the other characters: At this point the audience doesn't know enough about Sira to make a judgement.
As for Vera, I assume she's Kane's squeeze. Just wanna warn you to try to avoid melding her sole purpose to act as Kane's conscience. This seems to be a cliche factor in love subplots between two protagonists, but the bigger problem is that it just sort of makes the female/secondary character far less interesting than she should potentially be. No judgements to be made about Vera at this point, just advice and speculation. It's your character, man.
You've earned yourself a reader. Keep postin' chapters, kanecorr. I'll certainly review them.
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Post by Cali on Jan 9, 2012 8:55:57 GMT 1
Part 1 - Chapter 2 Review
Well there was absolutely no way to distinguish this as a Mass Effect fanfiction or an original piece of fiction. The chapter was extremely un-Mass Effect-like, to the point where it seemed like a fantasy story.
I'm going to assume that you're introducing an original alien race, which I'm all for! I suggest you try to find a way to make sure this sort of fanon toes the line at least a little with canon, enough to identify at least after a few paragraphs.
In a prose and setting perspective it's actually a pretty good chapter. The confrontation with the praetorian was well done.
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Kane
Serviceman 3rd Class
Posts: 18
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Post by Kane on Jan 9, 2012 10:05:30 GMT 1
Cali! Kane here,
I'm glad you are reviewing my story, so thank you for that! Now, I guess I should clear the air with what really is going on in Eden Code so far.
For Part 1 of Eden Code, you will see a switch in perspective between Kane- his dealings on Omega, to even discovering what is plaguing him nearly every night, and then Avner- a young "man" of a seemingly unknown alien race, who is struggling to come to grips with the new ruler of his people.
Now, yes, Chapter 2 is written fantasy-like, solely because of Avner's perspective on all things Vartha. He is limited in thought, whereas some of the things he experiences cannot be described in their entirety. I don't want to give away too much there.
Now, what is the relevance? Well, I don't want to give that up either...all I ask is that you keep reading! There is a convergence somewhere with both Avner and Kane. You're just going to have to wait and see where the lines blur!
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Post by Cali on Jan 9, 2012 17:59:31 GMT 1
Well in that case I'm giddy with excitement and anticipation! Keep em' coming kanecorr.
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