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Post by Clint Johnston on Jul 5, 2011 3:12:43 GMT 1
I have one word for you. SPACING!!!!!!!!!!
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Post by Clint Johnston on Jul 6, 2011 17:01:07 GMT 1
A couple pointers: First, your sentences are all starting out the same way. He His He His. Some variety enlivens the text and keeps it fresh. There's nothing wrong with several He His sentences in a paragraph, but keep them sporadic. For example: "Without thinking, his mother's training in Alliance hand to hand combat kicked in. Even though her other duties had predominated her influence on his childhood, her insistence that he practice daily finally came to fruition." Second, apostrophes are important. When the reader has to add them in themselves, it breaks the flow of the story.
Hope this helps.
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