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Post by Tillian Panthesis on Jun 16, 2011 12:15:04 GMT 1
I swear I could handle most blocks nowdays, but this particular infamous line from ME2 where Shepard kicks off the Garrus romance path, is road blocking my thoughts.
(After Garrus dabbles about sleeping with some turian chick back in Military camp, Shepard starts to flirt with him.)
SHEPARD: How about we skip to the tie breaker. We can test your reach... and my flexibility.
I swear I'm having difficulty to integrate that line in without making my Shepard sounding like a cat in heat. I almost feel tempted to write the whole thing in a fix fic moment, but my beta reader challenged me to stick to the canon as much as possible.
This line alone is going to be the bane of me. I'm reconsidering going on hiatus and work on something else but... I just want to get this fic done as well.
/headdesk
So... any suggestions to deal with this line?
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Post by Warhammer Gorvar on Jun 16, 2011 12:42:27 GMT 1
To be honest, I think that line has no problems at all. Let's be honest here, your Shepard and the rest of the crew are on a near suicidal mission, romance can be cut down to getting straight to the point.
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Post by Clint Johnston on Jun 16, 2011 14:31:04 GMT 1
Hmm. Well, the developers at bioware seemed to be at a similar point and went with Gorvar's advice.
Perhaps you can go back a few steps and further develop the conversation, dropping the reach and flexibility comments entirely. Perhaps starting with Garrus initiating a conversation similar to the last one written in the game. "Shepard, I'm proud to have served with you, thanks for letting me kill my old pal, no matter what happens" Blah blah blah and take it from there, the reach and flexibility thing was flimsy to begin with.
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Post by Tillian Panthesis on Jun 16, 2011 15:15:25 GMT 1
I might consider to skip that line if I couldn't find any clever or deconstructive parts behind it.
I'll see how it goes.
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Post by Warhammer Gorvar on Jun 16, 2011 16:02:26 GMT 1
To be fair the Reach and flexibility line makes more sense to males. Sort of like, yeh i tapped that mhm...-high fives MaleShep-
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Post by Mister Buch on Jun 16, 2011 16:16:31 GMT 1
I'd agree - I think that you're over-thinking this and making that line more of a hurdle than it needs to be.
I don't really see a problem with it - it's Shepard flirting - badly, but still, Garrus seems to like it. She's the type to take the lead in a relationship, I think, so it's not so surprising.
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Octo
Commander
Posts: 240
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Post by Octo on Jun 16, 2011 17:36:23 GMT 1
While I like the Garrus/Shepard pairing, the in-game romance arc has indeed some problems, IMO... I think part of that is development speed, so to say. So both confirm their interest in the first romance arc conversation - and all later ones are basically just filler. So it's awfully fast at first, and then just drags on.
Maybe you could change something about that? Have the line occur, but at a later date, in reference to an earlier talk? Just as an idea. If there already has been some... development between the two it maybe won't sound like Shepard is "in heat", heh.
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Post by Tillian Panthesis on Jun 18, 2011 11:24:41 GMT 1
You right, it's the pacing that bothers me. I'm not say that line was bad, it's just... came out of nowhere. Too sudden. Right now I'm currently working on the build up, with a few things and thoughts on turian courtship (hint: blunt and headstrong, since I think turians have a thing with searching for their ideal partners with desired 'strength', physically and/or mentally.)
I think I got this, so thanks.
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Post by CAPT Issac R. Madden on Jun 19, 2011 22:24:41 GMT 1
Since I'm having a bout of writer's block right now, I figured I'd post here instead of starting another thread.
Anyways I'm working on a scene where Ian heads to Eden Prime, does a gig, but then runs into Ashley. Considering his music and the fact that she's religious I was thinking she'd have a few words for him. Problem is, I'm not sure if that would be OOC for her or not.
Any thoughts?
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Post by Mister Buch on Jun 23, 2011 2:19:48 GMT 1
I'm afraid I've not been following the story but - I can see Ashley (given enough provocation) getting on her high horse and telling someone off.
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Octo
Commander
Posts: 240
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Post by Octo on Jun 24, 2011 0:21:09 GMT 1
I have no idea who Ian is but eh - Ashley really is no fundamentalist. The way she phrased her beliefs she believes in "something out there", the same vague belief the majority of people in the western world has these days. Thus I don't think her life is all to affected by her religion. She does get a bit defensive about her religion, as we have seen, but if not directly called out on it, I'd simply say she rolls her eyes and let him be.
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Post by CAPT Issac R. Madden on Jun 24, 2011 3:54:18 GMT 1
That's what I was thinking, but I'm also posting on FF.net and my lone reviewer said he'd be interested in seeing how Ashley would react to Number of the Beast. Course he also said he wanted a scene where Ian's running with Shepard's crew and he's blaring Painkiller while in the Mako... [shameless plug] Anyways, for more details on what I'm referring to, just look up Halo of Flies on here or FF.net. Reviews are welcome, but not quite demanded.... yet.. [/shameless plug]
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Post by CAPT Issac R. Madden on Jul 13, 2011 3:24:32 GMT 1
Alright, I'm getting some traction on my story now. Ditched the Eden Prime idea and things are starting to come together.
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Post by Mr. Glow on Sept 11, 2011 5:23:26 GMT 1
Really suffering bad from The Block right about now.
I've got the major arc of my C-Sec story mapped out, figured out the main characters general personalities and whatnot (Though I still haven't came up with a name for one of them I like), and even planned a few cases/scenarios I want to include, but I just can't bring myself to write anything. (I also haven't come up with a name for it. I was thinking of C-Sec Squad!, but the story has become less and less ludicrous as I develop it. (Though it's still pretty ludicrous.))
I think it's equal parts nervousness (I care about what you guys think of me, so I want to write something that's at least not terrible (Which I haven't really done before)) and the fact that when you're not experiencing it as Shepard, the Citadel just sounds pretty dull. Think about it, there's no weather, no daylight save for the generated stuff on the Citadel, and according to the games, everyone either wears a t-shirt and cargo pants or a creepy rubber suit/dress.
I hate bloody forensics, too. They spoil the romance of detective work!
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Post by Cali on Sept 11, 2011 5:31:23 GMT 1
Hmm, maybe I can help you out Mr. Glow. You happen to have Skype or MSN or any (communication client besides Private Messaging)?
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