Post by Knightfall on Mar 4, 2011 22:49:15 GMT 1
I haven't been able to work on this at all lately, so I think this will probably be the last post, and it won't really be in order. I actually did have a song written up for later in the story, so I figured I'd just post it. The song got kinda weird! Enjoy!
Chapter - The Musical Part
[Your party scatters about the campsite, each going their own way, slowly setting up their tents under the weariness of a very long day of hard travel. Eventually, a fire is started, and everyone finally allows themselves to relax.]
ALISTAIR: We've certainly had a rough go of things.
LELIANA: That's for sure.
OGHREN (clearly drunk): About as hard as beating yer wife with one hand. Come on! Yer all being a bunch of nug-loving sissies! Hehe. I bet you all sleep in your slippers.
ALISTAIR: It's informal, but remarkably comfortable.
ZEVRAN: Like falling asleep thinking you're only going to take a nap. Very refreshing.
LELIANA: Indeed.
STEN: Quite so.
OGHREN: You've gotta be... [He begins to lose his balance.] Okay, so I've done it, too...
ALISTAIR: Someone should sing a song. Lighten the mood a little.
ZEVRAN: Why does the mood need to be lightened?
ALISTAIR: Ferelden's about to be consumed by a Blight, and all that stands in its way are a couple of Grey Warden rejects, an embittered witch, a failed bard, a perpetually-drunken dwarf, a mound of emotional wreckage we call a qunari, and a mabari that was only minutes away from being put down. [He sighs.] Just about the only one who knows what he's doing is the elf with the foot fetish.
[Zevran pulls his face out of his leather boots.]
ZEVRAN: Hey, I can quit anytime I want.
[You start to panic.]
WARDEN: You're right. We need a song and we need it now.
ZEVRAN: But who will sing it?
LELIANA: Hello? [She raises her hand.] Bard. Right here.
ALISTAIR (coughing): Failed bard.
LELIANA: I am not a failed bard!
WARDEN: Well, what were you doing when we found you? Certainly not...barding? Is that the right word? Yeah, you weren't barding. You were in a tavern, for some reason. Working for the Chantry, where people go when they can't play music.
[You and Alistair high-five each other.]
LELIANA: Just give me a bloody chance.
[Everyone groans.]
WARDEN: Fine, fine. Go for it.
[Leliana picks up her lute, spends a moment or two to get it in tune, then strums. Her fingers play along the strings, releasing a moonlight serenade as if by magic alone. The notes drift through the camp, gently, like the bubbling of a woodland stream, the wind through a field of wheat, or the cooing of a newborn infant. It was a song that tamed the forest, and whispered of a lasting peace that all the races of Thedas had long dreamed of attaining. And as strings sang, the very spirits of the world seemed to—]
ALISTAIR (angry): BOO!
OGHREN: Oh, who in their ****ing **** of a ****ering hell gave her an instrument?!
STEN: Free Bird!
[You snap your fingers.]
WARDEN: Zevran.
[On cue, Zevran snatches the lute away from Leliana, breaks it in half, and then tosses it into the fire.]
ALISTAIR: Never again. Maker ****ing damn it.
ZEVRAN: Someone else give it a try. [He points to the far end of the camp.] Hey, Sandal! Know any good songs!
[The dwarven boy says something in return.]
WARDEN: What'd he say?
ZEVRAN: Could've been anything. [He points to you.] Why don't you give it a try?
WARDEN: [Please select a response.]
-Noooo, thank you. I don't sing.
-I'm gonna go ahead and pass.
-Point at me again and I'll feed that finger to the dog.
-Sing? Well, I haven't sang anything since...(Flashback.)
ZEVRAN: Oh, come on.
ALISTAIR: It can't be any worse than Leliana's failed mating call.
[You shrug.]
WARDEN: All right. [You clear your throat.] Just know, I don't have a background in music.
ZEVRAN: Don't make this weird. Sing.
[You think up a few words, and ensure that your voice is high enough to drown out Leliana's sobbing.]
WARDEN:
We, ah...
Hmm...
We habitually kill things.
Most of them are evil.
Darkspawn, guards, those wolves down by the traps.
We kill them with our broadswords and
We set them on fire...
They say we killed the king, but I'm not a liar.
[Random choir appears.]
Choir: They say you killed the king, but you're not a liar.
WARDEN:
Duncan rescued me from obscurity,
But not for my security,
He planned to make a champ of me,
For sure!
Choir: Do! Do! Do!
He blackmailed me with a few short words,
Though his methods were a bit absurd,
Across these lands, he had me lured,
It's true.
Choir: True! True! True!
I'm pretty sure he kidnapped me,
It's true.
Choir: Do! Do! Do as I say!
We fought the fight at Ostagar,
Though we never would have got this far,
Without my friends
And possibly this car.
Choir: Car! Car! Car rhymes with far!
A disapproving half-clothed mage.
A Grey who doesn't act his age.
A bard whose accent makes me rage.
An elf, a dog...
And a guy we rescued from that cage.
Choir: Nice save!
[The tempo slows down.]
At Lothering, we met a man named Hawke.
Choir: A doobee doobee.
We sat him down and had a little talk.
We didn't like him, and you all know why.
We set out quick,
And left him there to die.
Choir: Sing it, Warden! Now tell us why!
'Cause, BioWare, you fooled us,
You gave us all a gift.
You made a stellar game that forced all others to submit.
But, BioWare, this sequel!
When did you sell your soul?
Give us more choice!
Shut up Hawke's voice!
And—**ck you, I'm an elf!
Choir: Elvhenan represent!
[The lute guy runs through again, strumming wildly as he moves around the camp. We are all impressed.]
[Nearby, Marvin Berry gets on the phone.]
MARVIN BERRY: Chuck! Chuck! It's Marvin, your cousin. Marvin Merry! You know that new sound you were looking for? Well listen to this!
[The lute guy does the splits without losing his momentum, then motions for you to continue.]
WARDEN:
Betrayal is rewarded
And it's paid in full with steel!
So, stay your guards,
Call off your bards,
It's Loghain we will...keel?
Choir: It's you that we will keel!
Well,
We may go down as kingslayers
But we will have our day!
We'll kick your ass,
And take your name!
'Cause that's the Warden's way.
Choir: 'Cause that's the Grey Warden's way.
EVERYONE: 'Cause THAT'S...THE...WAR-DEN'S...WAAAAAAAY!
[The lute guy and the rest of the chorus play one more dramatic note, and then hurriedly run off into the forest, tripping over themselves as they do.]
[Everyone in camp is staring in your direction. Speechless.]
WARDEN: Guess you guys aren't ready for that. But your kids are gonna love it.
[Morrigan sprints toward you, throws off her robe.]
MORRIGAN: Make a baby with me tonight!
LELIANA: Me, too!
ZEVRAN: Me three!
[You put on your glasses and aim your finger pistols to the nearest tent.]
WARDEN: Let's do this.
Chapter - The Musical Part
[Your party scatters about the campsite, each going their own way, slowly setting up their tents under the weariness of a very long day of hard travel. Eventually, a fire is started, and everyone finally allows themselves to relax.]
ALISTAIR: We've certainly had a rough go of things.
LELIANA: That's for sure.
OGHREN (clearly drunk): About as hard as beating yer wife with one hand. Come on! Yer all being a bunch of nug-loving sissies! Hehe. I bet you all sleep in your slippers.
ALISTAIR: It's informal, but remarkably comfortable.
ZEVRAN: Like falling asleep thinking you're only going to take a nap. Very refreshing.
LELIANA: Indeed.
STEN: Quite so.
OGHREN: You've gotta be... [He begins to lose his balance.] Okay, so I've done it, too...
ALISTAIR: Someone should sing a song. Lighten the mood a little.
ZEVRAN: Why does the mood need to be lightened?
ALISTAIR: Ferelden's about to be consumed by a Blight, and all that stands in its way are a couple of Grey Warden rejects, an embittered witch, a failed bard, a perpetually-drunken dwarf, a mound of emotional wreckage we call a qunari, and a mabari that was only minutes away from being put down. [He sighs.] Just about the only one who knows what he's doing is the elf with the foot fetish.
[Zevran pulls his face out of his leather boots.]
ZEVRAN: Hey, I can quit anytime I want.
[You start to panic.]
WARDEN: You're right. We need a song and we need it now.
ZEVRAN: But who will sing it?
LELIANA: Hello? [She raises her hand.] Bard. Right here.
ALISTAIR (coughing): Failed bard.
LELIANA: I am not a failed bard!
WARDEN: Well, what were you doing when we found you? Certainly not...barding? Is that the right word? Yeah, you weren't barding. You were in a tavern, for some reason. Working for the Chantry, where people go when they can't play music.
[You and Alistair high-five each other.]
LELIANA: Just give me a bloody chance.
[Everyone groans.]
WARDEN: Fine, fine. Go for it.
[Leliana picks up her lute, spends a moment or two to get it in tune, then strums. Her fingers play along the strings, releasing a moonlight serenade as if by magic alone. The notes drift through the camp, gently, like the bubbling of a woodland stream, the wind through a field of wheat, or the cooing of a newborn infant. It was a song that tamed the forest, and whispered of a lasting peace that all the races of Thedas had long dreamed of attaining. And as strings sang, the very spirits of the world seemed to—]
ALISTAIR (angry): BOO!
OGHREN: Oh, who in their ****ing **** of a ****ering hell gave her an instrument?!
STEN: Free Bird!
[You snap your fingers.]
WARDEN: Zevran.
[On cue, Zevran snatches the lute away from Leliana, breaks it in half, and then tosses it into the fire.]
ALISTAIR: Never again. Maker ****ing damn it.
ZEVRAN: Someone else give it a try. [He points to the far end of the camp.] Hey, Sandal! Know any good songs!
[The dwarven boy says something in return.]
WARDEN: What'd he say?
ZEVRAN: Could've been anything. [He points to you.] Why don't you give it a try?
WARDEN: [Please select a response.]
-Noooo, thank you. I don't sing.
-I'm gonna go ahead and pass.
-Point at me again and I'll feed that finger to the dog.
-Sing? Well, I haven't sang anything since...(Flashback.)
ZEVRAN: Oh, come on.
ALISTAIR: It can't be any worse than Leliana's failed mating call.
[You shrug.]
WARDEN: All right. [You clear your throat.] Just know, I don't have a background in music.
ZEVRAN: Don't make this weird. Sing.
[You think up a few words, and ensure that your voice is high enough to drown out Leliana's sobbing.]
WARDEN:
We, ah...
Hmm...
We habitually kill things.
Most of them are evil.
Darkspawn, guards, those wolves down by the traps.
We kill them with our broadswords and
We set them on fire...
They say we killed the king, but I'm not a liar.
[Random choir appears.]
Choir: They say you killed the king, but you're not a liar.
WARDEN:
Duncan rescued me from obscurity,
But not for my security,
He planned to make a champ of me,
For sure!
Choir: Do! Do! Do!
He blackmailed me with a few short words,
Though his methods were a bit absurd,
Across these lands, he had me lured,
It's true.
Choir: True! True! True!
I'm pretty sure he kidnapped me,
It's true.
Choir: Do! Do! Do as I say!
We fought the fight at Ostagar,
Though we never would have got this far,
Without my friends
And possibly this car.
Choir: Car! Car! Car rhymes with far!
A disapproving half-clothed mage.
A Grey who doesn't act his age.
A bard whose accent makes me rage.
An elf, a dog...
And a guy we rescued from that cage.
Choir: Nice save!
[The tempo slows down.]
At Lothering, we met a man named Hawke.
Choir: A doobee doobee.
We sat him down and had a little talk.
We didn't like him, and you all know why.
We set out quick,
And left him there to die.
Choir: Sing it, Warden! Now tell us why!
'Cause, BioWare, you fooled us,
You gave us all a gift.
You made a stellar game that forced all others to submit.
But, BioWare, this sequel!
When did you sell your soul?
Give us more choice!
Shut up Hawke's voice!
And—**ck you, I'm an elf!
Choir: Elvhenan represent!
[The lute guy runs through again, strumming wildly as he moves around the camp. We are all impressed.]
[Nearby, Marvin Berry gets on the phone.]
MARVIN BERRY: Chuck! Chuck! It's Marvin, your cousin. Marvin Merry! You know that new sound you were looking for? Well listen to this!
[The lute guy does the splits without losing his momentum, then motions for you to continue.]
WARDEN:
Betrayal is rewarded
And it's paid in full with steel!
So, stay your guards,
Call off your bards,
It's Loghain we will...keel?
Choir: It's you that we will keel!
Well,
We may go down as kingslayers
But we will have our day!
We'll kick your ass,
And take your name!
'Cause that's the Warden's way.
Choir: 'Cause that's the Grey Warden's way.
EVERYONE: 'Cause THAT'S...THE...WAR-DEN'S...WAAAAAAAY!
[The lute guy and the rest of the chorus play one more dramatic note, and then hurriedly run off into the forest, tripping over themselves as they do.]
[Everyone in camp is staring in your direction. Speechless.]
WARDEN: Guess you guys aren't ready for that. But your kids are gonna love it.
[Morrigan sprints toward you, throws off her robe.]
MORRIGAN: Make a baby with me tonight!
LELIANA: Me, too!
ZEVRAN: Me three!
[You put on your glasses and aim your finger pistols to the nearest tent.]
WARDEN: Let's do this.