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Post by Warhammer Gorvar on Mar 7, 2013 14:48:17 GMT 1
The statues makes sense knowing Lieden haha.
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Post by Mister Buch on Mar 7, 2013 14:58:43 GMT 1
Wow. I've read the rest... and I totally love it. I think it's the tone that drew me in in the first place. It's plain and unassuming. Sometimes I cannot read stories because the narration is rather on the self-important side. None of that here. I told you after reading part 1 that this felt like a dream. There was a change of scenes that might have seemed abrupt in a more realistically structured story. There were other things - like the incessant running- that added to that impression, culminating in the dragon's transformation. Then the whole thing was revealed to be exactly that. I might be biased because I have dreams that are very much like this: detailed, with many changes of scenes yet memorable places - like the hill with the statues. I wake up from those with a similar sense of exhilaration. So this story really spoke to me very directly. Did I say I love it already? Gosh. Fantastic. Thank you very much! All you said is exactly what I was trying for, except for the unassuming part - that's probably more my own limited vocabulary! And I was worried about the abrupt transitions between scenes and all the running, too. You think they were justified by the ending?
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Post by lieden on Mar 8, 2013 12:08:05 GMT 1
By the end I made it to the ending, I had no complaints whatsoever. I felt exhilarated! If you want me to do a thorough editing, however, there might be things I'll get more finicky about (I usually get those on a second reading).
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Post by Warhammer Gorvar on Mar 8, 2013 12:13:08 GMT 1
Right i read through most of it; and i read the last bit always first because im horrible that way, but i really liked it. Like Lieden here said some edits are needed in some places but other then that, i think you got a good story there.
Seeing the world through the eyes of a child, and the running makes sense since kids run all the friggin time, in a medieval world is very original. I think for a "short" story its pretty darn good. Kudos.
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Post by Mister Buch on Mar 8, 2013 15:02:03 GMT 1
Awesome, thank you both very much. Exhilerated? That's a better review than I usually get! I will be having another go through it, making edits and things like that - and I might look at making the scene transitions more gentle, too. Lieden I wouldn't be rude enough to ask you for a thorough editing, as wonderful as it would be. And I have got Knightfall doing one for me anyway.
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Post by Warhammer Gorvar on Mar 8, 2013 17:32:33 GMT 1
Explains why he isnt on the forum much anymore, HO! Thank you, thank you. I' m here all night.
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