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Post by Cali on Jun 16, 2013 4:40:34 GMT 1
I've been having some trouble with my mood lately, such as easily incited anger, depression, paranoia, introvert behavior etc. I've gained sixteen or so pounds this year from my usual weight, and I've been abusing alcohol a bit more than I should, drinking up to a bottle of wine or an entire six pack a night. When it comes to actually doing things I normally enjoy, I find that I just can't get nearly as excited or fun from them as I normally would. It's supposed to be summer, and I'm supposed to be having the time of my life, but it just doesn't seem the same.
There's probably little reason to guess why. The alcohol likely has an effect, but I'd warrant that it's because I've always had trouble sleeping in my life, due to a symptom of a condition I was born with where my mind is extremely overactive and neurotic. I have medication that's helped me (anti-psychotics) and I likely would not be able to sleep if it weren't for them. The big thing is that since last year, I've actually had occasional nights where I'd skip out on taking them so I could get more done in the day (or night in this case). I'd stay up writing and working on other projects till morning, pulling all nighters. There was a bout of time in 2012 where I would only sleep three-four days a week. It was pretty insane.
Needless to say: The main problem is likely my Circadian Rhythm being screwed up. Lately I'm going to bed at 5:00 AM and waking up at 1:00 PM. It's a mess. My alcohol intake is also giving my REM sleep a kick in the ass, so that's definitely a huge problem.
I do need a schedule, but on some days it takes a bit for my medication to kick in to help me sleep. Another reason are frequent nightmares I often have, and they're even worse and more frequent when I don't drink before bed. Some of my nightmares are horrid and abrasive, I can't think about anything else most of the day.
I can't really afford a therapist right now, so I'm just going to snoop around for some techniques or life experiences from you all. Changing my diet, among other things would be helpful, as well as routine exercise. Also a big thing I want to ask, is how does everyone here keep a schedule. I was spoiled on Indiana Jones as a kid, so I basically just make things up as I go along, and I never can keep a record book for more than a week before tossing it away since most of the stuff I have planned doesn't work out. What do you guys think?
TL;DR Short Version - I need some help before I turn into one of the guards from Noveria and try to kill Commander Shepard.
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Post by Clint Johnston on Jun 16, 2013 5:59:25 GMT 1
My schedule isn't going to be much help, since I work the 5-12 shift, and there's no guarantee of what time I'll be headed home. I generally get up at 8 on weekdays, as I have various volunteering commitments throughout the week.
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Post by CAPT Issac R. Madden on Jun 16, 2013 12:06:40 GMT 1
Cali, I know that feel. I work a rotating watch. One week I'll be working 8-4 Mon-Fri; the next will be 4-mid Mon-Fri. After that, I get one day off, come in on Sunday for 8PM-8AM, Mon-Fri Mid-8, and then another 8P-8A on Saturday; once I'm off duty on Sunday morning, I'm off until 8AM the following Saturday-Sunday for 12 hours a piece. Then I have Mon-Tues off, Wed-Fri I come in at 8-whenever for admin stuff, Sat-Sun off, then back into the rotation.
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Post by Lily Ariel Linders on Jun 16, 2013 13:51:33 GMT 1
I'm sorry to hear you're suffering, Cali... and I must say, aside from the part about the alcohol, I know what youi're going through - I've gone through very similar times, but rather than turn to alcohol (I never drink at all - it has a bad reaction in me and makes me sick), I turned to food - which my mother has described as "Food is your drug of choice". I've gone through depression and anxiety, and the doctors came very close to actually diagnosing me with clinical depression but stopped just short, as the therapy my parents got for me seemed to help a little. This was back when I was in my early 20s... 21 - 23ish... As for what seems to be keeping me going now, and what might help for you, a steady schedule - for example, I work Monday to Friday, between 8am to 6pm, never later than that. Now that I live with Linders, my diet has vastly improved, since he knows how to cook in ways I never understood, so I am now eating home-cooked meals made by Linders as opposed to cheap take-out and pre-prepared stuff. An improved diet actually does help immensely. As for the weight gain, if it's making you unhealthy, then switching to a healthier diet will help - I've been slowly losing weight, and it seems like it is coming off without me really trying, because I'm just - as I said - eating better food that Linders made. I know that getting regular good sleep will help the emotional thing, because when I go without sleep I get very anxious and depressed and my latent self-loathing comes out to play, but after a good night of sleep I generally snap back to normal... if you need the medications to sleep better, but the medications are bothering you in other ways, maybe talk to your doctor to see if there's a better way? Especially if you have horrible nightmares - I used to have horrifying nightmares on a regular basis (and only some of them were explainable as being caused by trauma), but I seem to be sleeping better lately without the nightmares. Though I do still have very weird dreams... if your nightmares are caused by some trauma in your life, maybe talking to a doctor might help? Not necessarily a therapist, just... a normal doctor might have some suggestions. Though I know that might be pricey in the USA... I wish I could help you there... The various changes I'd made to my lifestyle really did help me, and maybe a similar change might help you... I'm not sure what else to say, but I am keeping up hopeful thoughts for you, and I hope things get better for you...
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Post by jklinders on Jun 16, 2013 13:55:20 GMT 1
Sorry to hear this.
I'm a bit of a mild insomniac myself so I get part of this. I know from experience just how much screwy sleep patterns can hurt. I'd recommend as a starting point keeping your sleep and waking patterns as consistent as possible. My shifts have me starting as early as 8 AM or as late as 4 PM but rarely keep me later than 10 PM. I go to bed usually between 11 PM and midnight get my 3-4 hours of sleep, wash rinse and repeat. Now I only get that for sleep but that's all I need as it is usually a pretty good quality sleep so I'm OK with that.
Here's another thing. None of my business...at all and tell me if I cross a line here but alcohol is about the worst sleep aid out there. You go to sleep but you don't get any REM sleep out of it. Without REM sleep in the long term you will probably experience just the kind of stuff you are going through right now. If you can control the alcohol use without help I would encourage toning it down a notch. If you can't, please get a little help. Please.
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Post by Mister Buch on Jun 16, 2013 15:35:25 GMT 1
Hey Cali,
If you're talking to friends about it and you're clear and aware of the situation as you certainly seem here, you know what's up, then that's good. Those are the first two things you should do, I think.
I might have a bit of 'I get that' as well - I've been depressed for at least two years straight now, also have put on weight, and it's only in the last couple of weeks that I've stopped having the same sleep schedule you mentioned (As for overanalysing and worrying - hoo boy). I liked to be up at night because it was quiet and there were fewer people about, fewer phone calls and emails and so on. The solitude was good. It got to a point where I was just not physically tired until 3AM or thinking straight until 2PM. And I tried drinking to make me tired too - didn't work for me because it made me mad for the bathroom. xD But if you've always had trouble sleeping then I can't imagine. And even more so for the nightmares. I have a recurring nightmare and it really unsettles me to think of it.
To sleep, what I try to do is be in a good mood - see a movie or something - have a shower, and try to occupy my hyperactive thoughts with a complicated task - my usual one is to list obscure items from A-Z like 'Videogame characters I quite fancy who you wouldn't expect'. This makes me fall asleep after my brain tires itself out around 'Q'. Of course the worst way to do *anything* is to try too hard or build up a lot of importance and tension for it... but 'try to relax' is the worst advice anybody ever gave, so.
Are there any free therapists? Where I'm from they have therapists you can see for free - not psychiatrists, just Humanism-types who will say nothing while you talk and then pick you up on something. I have seen one in the past and it actually helped a lot - and I'm booked in to start again at the moment. And also if there are any helplines - I really do recommend those.
Glad you told us though - cheers. Sorry to hear it.
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Post by Cali on Jun 16, 2013 20:21:51 GMT 1
Thanks everybody for all the suggestions. There's no need to feel sorry, since I'm pretty sure I can nip this problem in the bud provided the tools I use are right. Looking at all the advice, suggestions etc. I don't think it's going to turn out to be too hard. Plus, last night I went to bed at 12:30 AM while drinking about half as much alcohol as I usually do (and not anywhere near before the time I fell asleep), a huge change already, and my dreams, while not entirely pleasant, were far less intense. Cali, I know that feel. I work a rotating watch. One week I'll be working 8-4 Mon-Fri; the next will be 4-mid Mon-Fri. After that, I get one day off, come in on Sunday for 8PM-8AM, Mon-Fri Mid-8, and then another 8P-8A on Saturday; once I'm off duty on Sunday morning, I'm off until 8AM the following Saturday-Sunday for 12 hours a piece. Then I have Mon-Tues off, Wed-Fri I come in at 8-whenever for admin stuff, Sat-Sun off, then back into the rotation. I don't know how you military types do it. Especially those in Army and Marine rifle companies who stay up days on end. All of that may screw with their heads more than I thought before. I can't imagine what it's like for grunts with enough problems as it is, such as PTSD. I know that getting regular good sleep will help the emotional thing, because when I go without sleep I get very anxious and depressed and my latent self-loathing comes out to play, but after a good night of sleep I generally snap back to normal... if you need the medications to sleep better, but the medications are bothering you in other ways, maybe talk to your doctor to see if there's a better way? Especially if you have horrible nightmares - I used to have horrifying nightmares on a regular basis (and only some of them were explainable as being caused by trauma), but I seem to be sleeping better lately without the nightmares. Though I do still have very weird dreams... if your nightmares are caused by some trauma in your life, maybe talking to a doctor might help? Not necessarily a therapist, just... a normal doctor might have some suggestions. Though I know that might be pricey in the USA... I wish I could help you there... Well, that's where I'm lucky. My dad has been an M.D. for decades and my brother is currently in medical school in the University of Michigan. The former has already lent some advice on medication (I'm also on anti-depressants, clinical depression being yet another symptom of what I have), and has been thinking about whether or not I should either reduce or increase my meds due to my weight gain (sometimes less of the stuff is in fact, more). As for the nightmares, they're terrible. They're always seven-eight hour feature presentations of me having a miserable day. I had a few where I dreamt about arguing with people all night, among other scenarios. Another reoccurring dream is me being back in High School, and that's the fucking worst. Other "nightmares" I tend to have involve a bleak, feverish Diablo/Silent Hill-esque atmosphere and me running away from or fighting some hideous monster or army of darkness inside a mall, macabre looking village, or dark forests. The difference is those are fucking AWESOME and I'd sooner have five of those than one of my more tiresome high school dreams. Here's another thing. None of my business...at all and tell me if I cross a line here but alcohol is about the worst sleep aid out there. You go to sleep but you don't get any REM sleep out of it. Without REM sleep in the long term you will probably experience just the kind of stuff you are going through right now. If you can control the alcohol use without help I would encourage toning it down a notch. If you can't, please get a little help. Please. I'm not easily offended, no worries. And yes, it's starting to show pretty sharply that I can't keep doing this. I drink shittons some nights and wake up hungover as hell, ready to hurl. Alcohol should be fun to drink, not a chore like it is now. It's pretty evident that I need to simmer down on the sauce and at least let my tolerance drop down a bit. The worst is when I'm both sleep deprived AND drunk. There was a time either early this year or last where I started toeing it with Buch via PM and acted like a sociopath. I mean, Buch, of all the fucking people I picked a fight with him. To sleep, what I try to do is be in a good mood - see a movie or something - have a shower, and try to occupy my hyperactive thoughts with a complicated task - my usual one is to list obscure items from A-Z like 'Videogame characters I quite fancy who you wouldn't expect'. This makes me fall asleep after my brain tires itself out around 'Q'. Of course the worst way to do *anything* is to try too hard or build up a lot of importance and tension for it... but 'try to relax' is the worst advice anybody ever gave, so. Are there any free therapists? Where I'm from they have therapists you can see for free - not psychiatrists, just Humanism-types who will say nothing while you talk and then pick you up on something. I have seen one in the past and it actually helped a lot - and I'm booked in to start again at the moment. And also if there are any helplines - I really do recommend those. I've been stockpiling episodes of MST3K because I find them relaxing, as well as other comedy shows, such as Father Ted and Blackadder. Warm, lighthearted shows are usually the way to go in situations like this, as Game of Thrones or the Sopranos sure as shit aren't going to help me relax. There's a YouTube channel called PaulFromStokeUK that has some seriously good relaxing music for that sort of thing, and I also like to give myself scalp massages because those really help. And free therapists? I'm afraid not. Most of everything is privatized in the medical sector around here. Though I do have a few friends who are always willing to talk about the more sensitive issues, which is great. But yeah, a big thanks to all of you. I'll be able to sort this out at some point for sure.
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Post by Mister Buch on Jun 16, 2013 20:26:02 GMT 1
I think I speak for all of the above - feel free to talk here too. It sucks to see you troubled, man. And glad about last night.
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Post by Mister Buch on Jun 16, 2013 20:38:39 GMT 1
Also I do the same thing with MST3k - in fact I just started re-watching Pyuma Man.
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Post by Lily Ariel Linders on Jun 16, 2013 20:51:16 GMT 1
I do hope things get better for you...
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Post by Warhammer Gorvar on Jun 16, 2013 20:58:21 GMT 1
We're with you bud.
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Post by jklinders on Jun 16, 2013 21:52:15 GMT 1
Anytime you need an ear I'm here.
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Post by Warhammer Gorvar on Jun 16, 2013 22:05:18 GMT 1
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Post by jklinders on Jun 16, 2013 22:38:16 GMT 1
How did I know that was gonna be your response Gorvar?
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Post by Warhammer Gorvar on Jun 16, 2013 22:39:49 GMT 1
It was obvious ;D
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