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Post by Clint Johnston on May 21, 2014 22:25:44 GMT 1
Help! I got back to writing Mock effect and I need some input. I've had this scene in mind for a awhile, a la Bill Mauldin's gag in Up Front "I ast her to teach me to yodel. She taught me to yodel"
The problem is how to best do the final line. The one before Jane interjects with the truth. "Pot of gold" & "Twig & Berries" seems just a bit too descriptive. So I need a third allusion that John can misconstrue to carry off the joke. Help?
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Post by Lily Ariel Linders on May 21, 2014 23:22:43 GMT 1
How about using candy as a euphemism? For example: "She prefers Milk Duds instead of Mr Big."
Or a weaponry reference: "She prefers the sheath rather than the sword".
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Post by Clint Johnston on May 21, 2014 23:24:34 GMT 1
There's an idea. Milky Ways to Butterfingers? Or are those only American Candy?
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Post by Lily Ariel Linders on May 22, 2014 0:41:48 GMT 1
Butterfingers does not make me think of men's junk, oddly enough...
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Post by Cali on May 22, 2014 1:18:35 GMT 1
I usually think of gummy lifesavers when it comes to the male schlong, but it's probably for a different reason entirely than what everybody else is thinking. ...I've leave now.
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Post by Clint Johnston on May 22, 2014 3:48:05 GMT 1
Hmm... Roommate suggested Venus V. Mars. Like that one too.
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Post by Mister Buch on May 22, 2014 4:34:36 GMT 1
I think absolutely every candy mentioned above except Mars is only American - but I still get the jokes so I wouldn't worry about that.
My vote - Milk duds vs Mr Big is the funniest one yet! Maybe funnier if Jane is pausing and a bit embarrassed by trying to come up with candies? "I mean she prefers, uh, milk duds to... to Mr Big. [winces]" kind of thing?
Reminds me of the scene from the old Simpsons episode where Marge tries to explain that Homer's new friend John is gay--- M- John... prefers the company of men... H- Who doesn't! M- Homer, John is a HO- H- Yeeah? M- MO H- (calm, knowing) Riiiiiiiiiiiight. M- Sexual! H- AAGH!
Always cracked me up. xD Don't know if you'd want to allude to it or not, but it's always worth remembering!
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Post by Clint Johnston on May 22, 2014 4:43:46 GMT 1
LOL. Never saw that scene. Went with the venus v. mars because it's less descriptive. Though props to Lily for Milk Duds V. Mr Big.
This chapter is super long, 12 pages. I set it aside for awhile and picked it up yesterday... Wow, it's been awhile. Hope the punchline is enough payoff. About to post it now.
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Post by Mister Buch on May 22, 2014 4:54:22 GMT 1
Ah so it's another classic case of 'Simpsons did it'!I dunno about the Venus Mars... I like the teig and berries thing! (Back seat comedian.)
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Post by Clint Johnston on May 22, 2014 5:03:47 GMT 1
Read it with all the other baggage (I went all over the map with this one). Maybe I'll change it back in the extended edition...
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