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Post by Lily Ariel Linders on Jun 5, 2012 20:35:37 GMT 1
Accident A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days." Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!" "This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man, The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?" The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..." *snickers* I love it... sneaky woman...
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Post by Lily Ariel Linders on Sept 22, 2012 19:58:02 GMT 1
I have to post this - this is hilarious...
From "Not Always Right"
Big Lies Are Better Than Small Ones Liquor Store | Willimantic, CT, USA | Top
(Often I enter the beer cooler with shorts, a t-shirt and some rubber-hand work gloves on.)
Me: *walks out of the cooler*
Customer: “Are you f***ing insane? It’s freezing in there.
Me: “I don’t mind it.”
Customer: “That’s bulls***! You know it’s cold. Why would you lie to me?”
Me: “Excuse me? I’m pretty sure I know my own tolerance and I’m working so I get a bit warm, even in there.”
Customer: “WARM!? In a COOLER!? You’re a G**D*** LIAR! How can you be WARM in THERE!”
Me: “I’m Canadian, and ever since my igloo melted I only feel at home in there.”
Customer: “Oh, I didn’t know. I’m sorry for your loss.”
*facepalms*
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Post by CAPT Issac R. Madden on Sept 22, 2012 20:14:47 GMT 1
Having grown up two hours west of the US-Canada (ontario) border, I can relate to that one.
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Post by CAPT Issac R. Madden on Dec 13, 2012 0:24:17 GMT 1
A man walks out of a bar totally hammered, only to be greeted by a snobby woman. She takes one look at him. "You, sir, are drunk!" "And you ma'am, are ugly. But when I wake up, I will be sober!"
OWNED
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Post by Warhammer Gorvar on Dec 14, 2012 0:36:25 GMT 1
Winston Churchill said that...he was a cunt.
Difference between a pizza and a human being?
A pizza doesnt scream when you put it in the oven.
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Post by Mister Buch on Dec 14, 2012 0:46:32 GMT 1
Winston Churchill said that too, actually.
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Post by CAPT Issac R. Madden on Dec 14, 2012 1:09:51 GMT 1
Sir Churchill is epic. End of story.
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Post by Mister Buch on Dec 14, 2012 1:19:24 GMT 1
Actually he really, really was not. But because he did so much towards winning the war and had those witty remarks, everyone remembers him very fondly.
Some fun quotes from the great man:
“I do not agree that the dog in a manger has the final right to the manger even though he may have lain there for a very long time. I do not admit that right. I do not admit for instance, that a great wrong has been done to the Red Indians of America or the black people of Australia. I do not admit that a wrong has been done to these people by the fact that a stronger race, a higher-grade race, a more worldly wise race to put it that way, has come in and taken their place.”
"I do not understand the squeamishness about the use of gas. I am strongly in favour of using poison gas against uncivilized tribes."
There was a great one where he used a great deal of racial slurs, too, but I can't find it now. Some smarmy comment about 'blackamoors', 'niggers' and 'chinks' and how they shouldn't be encouraged. But that one is from memory so take it with a pinch of salt.
And on a more controversial note, he was no friend to the poor. He was a cold, vile man and a heartless, arrogant bastard of a leader. Which is probably why he was so good at winning wars and making smart comments. Not so good in terms of humanity.
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Post by Cali on Dec 14, 2012 1:32:12 GMT 1
It should also be noted that Abe Lincoln was also pretty racist, in a way that was like "Yeah sure, black people can have their rights, why not? Just don't let me anywhere near those punks."
Gandhi was also racist in a similar way, and is implied to have dabbled in incest. Two writers I admire, H.P. Lovecraft and Robert E. Howard both displayed some serious racist under/overtones in their writing. It could be argued (and there's plenty of evidence for it) that they were just misanthropic assholes, since they kind of hated everybody, Lovecraft especially. Still, no excuse for racial pseudo-science bullshit they put into writing.
Lesson of the day: Nobody is perfect. Churchill and Lovecraft didn't grow up in our time, and people we admire are not exactly the people we imagine them to be, it never turns out that way.
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Post by Mister Buch on Dec 14, 2012 1:37:46 GMT 1
George Washington owned slaves. The great Jack London wrote horrible things about Asian people in his great books. And speaking of Ghandi, Churchill argued in favour of letting him starve.
I suppose there's a fine line you have to draw, regarding whether or not you can still view them as heroes and how far that 'it was a different time' excuse goes. I find it extremely difficult to respect or admire someone who abdicates gassing and conquering lesser races, or insisting on British rule over India, no matter how many other people were doing it at the time. An at least Washington, Ghandi and Lincoln are respected for their moral stances. Churchill's fame has nothing to do with his morality, just that he was better at military strategy than the other guy, and that he was less dispicable than Hitler. The strategy thing is no small matter, he did a lot for all of us. But it doesn't make him a decent man.
But I was just using his (pretty big even at the time, he was very right) racism to be cheap. My real beef with Churchill is his behaviour during his second term as PM, after the war.
The guy was not epic. Not in the least.
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Post by Clint Johnston on Dec 14, 2012 4:25:24 GMT 1
I just listened to a horrible biography of him on audio book. The author grew up during his tenure, and Churchill could do almost no wrong. Sure, he may have smoked a bit, or drank some, and he did unfortunately support the wrong king in the abdication crisis, but he was a true saint of a man...
He was no saint. He is impressive, though. His roller coaster career through the army and parliament is enough to challenge the hardiest of stomachs. And he made it all work, all while writing quite a few books, painting a ton of paintings, and leading the country through a war it was not prepared for.
I don't believe all the mythos about the man. But honestly, no man is "epic." We're all craven creatures of shady habits. I know the person who looks deep enough into my back story will find horrible things I've done. I just hope that what I accomplish, or what I'm used to accomplish will have a greater impact than my negative tendencies.
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Post by Mister Buch on Dec 14, 2012 4:44:13 GMT 1
Well said there. But Epic Lloyd is epic.
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Post by Clint Johnston on Dec 14, 2012 4:47:30 GMT 1
I'll bite. Who's Epic Lloyd?
My grandfather's name is Lloyd, but I've never considered him epic.
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Post by Mister Buch on Dec 14, 2012 4:48:30 GMT 1
Oh he's the bloke from 'Epic Rap Battles of History'. Just because Epic is in his name and I like him. If you've never listened to those, check them out! 'Einstein vs. Hawking' is really good.
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Post by Clint Johnston on Dec 14, 2012 4:48:59 GMT 1
Oh, I like those. Favorite was Sherlock Holmes v. Batman.
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