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Post by jklinders on Mar 4, 2012 23:06:21 GMT 1
lol!
Was it hand delivered by someone in a black suit who slapped you afterwards?
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Post by jklinders on Apr 13, 2012 21:55:06 GMT 1
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Post by Clint Johnston on Apr 24, 2012 16:13:20 GMT 1
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Post by Clint Johnston on Apr 24, 2012 16:14:56 GMT 1
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Post by CAPT Issac R. Madden on May 14, 2012 20:36:01 GMT 1
One of many things to not say to your wife...
25th anniversary
A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their . As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?" The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to f#%k your brains out, and suck your tits dry." Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?" He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."
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Post by Clint Johnston on May 14, 2012 23:48:50 GMT 1
That wasn't very funny. Just saying
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Post by Warhammer Gorvar on May 15, 2012 0:20:53 GMT 1
Totally is.
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Post by CAPT Issac R. Madden on May 15, 2012 1:05:10 GMT 1
Here's another...
Ugly man
A very good looking man walks into a singles bar, gets a drink and has a seat. During the course of the evening he tries to chat with every single woman who walks into the bar, with no luck.
Suddenly a really ugly man, and I mean R-E-A-L-L-Y ugly man walks into the bar. He sits at the bar, and within seconds he is surrounded by women. Very soon he walks out of the bar with the two of the most beautiful women you ever saw.
Disheartened by all this, the good looking man asks the barman, 'Excuse me, but that really ugly man just came in here and left with those two stunning women - what's his secret? He's as ugly as sin and I'm everything a girl could want but have not been able to connect all night - What's going on?'
'Well,' Said the Barman, 'I don't know how he does it, but he does the same thing every night. He walks in, orders a drink, and just sits there licking his eyebrows...'
Reminds me of the time Oprah tried to interview kiss and asked Gene Simmons how long his tongue is to which he replied as he looked her in the eyes "long enough to make you my best friend for life..."
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Post by jklinders on May 17, 2012 13:11:48 GMT 1
Forget about the ad for the product. Just read the reviews.
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Post by Clint Johnston on May 17, 2012 13:39:21 GMT 1
ROFL
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Post by CAPT Issac R. Madden on May 17, 2012 22:05:14 GMT 1
Senior Center Hypnotist
It was entertainment night at the Senior Citizens Center.
Claude the hypnotist explained: "I'm here to put you into a trance; I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience." The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. "I want each of you to keep your eyes on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations." He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..." The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. A hundred pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch until, suddenly, the chain broke; it slipped from the hypnotist's finger and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces. "SHIT!" said the hypnotist. It took three days to clean up the Senior Citizens Center. Claude was never invited back.
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Post by Clint Johnston on May 17, 2012 22:29:54 GMT 1
That was funnier!
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Post by Battlechantress on May 18, 2012 3:57:01 GMT 1
Forget about the ad for the product. Just read the reviews. I'm still laughing so hard that my eyes are watering. I wish Americans would do reviews like that.
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Post by Warhammer Gorvar on May 18, 2012 12:40:52 GMT 1
Senior Center Hypnotist It was entertainment night at the Senior Citizens Center. Claude the hypnotist explained: "I'm here to put you into a trance; I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience." The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. "I want each of you to keep your eyes on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations." He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..." The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. A hundred pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch until, suddenly, the chain broke; it slipped from the hypnotist's finger and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces. "SHIT!" said the hypnotist. It took three days to clean up the Senior Citizens Center. Claude was never invited back. That was a shit joke. .... ;D
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Post by CAPT Issac R. Madden on Jun 5, 2012 20:03:00 GMT 1
Accident
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days." Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!" "This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man, The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?" The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."
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