*walks in with a bag; sets it down on the table, pulling out a fifth of Bailey's, a fifth of Jamison, and a few six-packs of Guiness Extra Stout*
So, I've discovered that the best way to do an MST review is when completely annihilated on Irish Carbombs. Anyways, "Mass Effected" has another chapter so... STORY SIGN!!!
*slaps the button and rushes off to the side*
www.fanfiction.net/s/7241699/3/Mass_Effected
And I need to figure out how maintain my IQ whiile reading this shit.
I can tell you're THAT GUY. The one whose fake ID was a piece of notebook paper with your school photo with a poorly hand-written false name and age.
Not to mention it's about as original as "Skywalker". Just saying.
Dude, what? Please tell me I just read that wrong.
Apparently I read the previous bit about a human using a quarian name correctly. This guy is starting to worry me...
Being able to play WoW for hours on end isn't a skill, chief...
I know, right? God forbid that he actually realizes how useless you are.
So now, all of a sudden, you've retconned yourself into knowing about guns? Continuity fail.
You do realize that competition doesn't involve, I don't know, people who fucking SHOOT BACK? Shit, if you're going to bullshit your way through this, try something more creative or be more detailed than "competition". Wait, that means you'd actually have to research something. Forget I said anything.
Resisting the temptation to emulate the turian councillor's use of finger-quotes...
There's more to knife fighting than "pointy end goes in the other guy", Einstein...
Still resisting the urge to copy the councillor. And I'm pretty sure SMGs aren't used by many civilians. Something about being VERY expensive to feed.
Sure. Why not? Every squad needs its meatshield.
<voice=Jayne Cobb>Saw that comin'.</voice>
How about the place you just mentioned? Grammar note: apparently a period is the new question mark.
Dude, this is Mass Effect. Not Star Trek. You ain't beaming anywhere.
Ok, I'll cut you some slack on this one. I'd be geeking out over being in a flying car too.
Stalking level: pro (can tell when the object of one's obcession will appear without even knowing the exact time and location of said object)
It's a wrectched hive of scum and villany. I recommend you not be cautious.
No... I'm pretty sure you'd be fucked if the krogan in the bar spot you for the easy mark that you are.
A 7-foot tall alien that can make a klingon his prison bitch. No shit, you wouldn't want to get into a fist fight with one.
Wait... is this actual planning going on? Be still, my heart.
Is it just me, or is this narrative sounding like it was written by the Rainman?
I'd offer the opinion that this guy is somehow related to Buch (due to the complaint about breach of canon), but I'll not insult he who wields a banhammer...
This guy seriously needs to take writing classes. I've seen better grammar and descriptions from 4th graders.
C'mon, Tali. Drop your flashbang so you can blind this idiot long enough for him to get killed and cleanse the human gene pool.
Did this fucker acually ENJOY killing someone?
Or you're just a random, armed human who showed up out of nowhere...
I'm pretty sure Tali isn't easily distracted when in a fight. And this guy is starting to worry me...
I didn't know that SMGs fired fecal matter. I guess the next thing on your list is "2 asari, 1 cup"? *shudders*
You think?
That time's been going on since you first sat down at your computer, chief.
Is he going to... aww hell no...
He did. He fucking did...
Or having anyone charge me with a knife. Just saying.
Nicely graphic. Too bad you still can't spell for shit and your grammar has yet to improve.
Your gamer card: hand it over. Now, before I decide to hog-tie you and leave you for the Vorcha instead of just kicking you in the nuts hard enough to remove you from the gene pool.
So he has to make an ad lib of the "asari are so squishy" bit. Yup. Real originality here, ladies and gents.
And so it begins...
O RLY?
Nope, sorry. Since his name is Kye'Jen vas Rayya, that means he's beyond puberty, not still in the middle of it.
It doesn't get any more unoriginal than this, you mean...
<voice=Nelson Muntz> HA HAW!! </voice>
At least your piss-poor spelling is consistantly crappy.
Gah... AGAIN with the quotes...
Who also probably knows a drell assassin who can really fuck your world up. It probably isn't Thane, but whoever it is should be more than enough to rid your taint from society.
Badass wanna-be cliche #587: cracking one's neck mid conversation.
Yeah. He's the one writing this mortal insult to the fanfiction community.
So let me get this straight... the volus had no reason whatsoever to accuse Tali of theivery aside from being a douche? I'm not buying it.
No, the jackass here is you who just made a death threat in front of a fucking COP. The only person I know who'd do the same thing is Jack, but she's capable of ripping YMIR mechs apart bare-handed so she's entitled to not give a fuck about cops.
And you threatened a cop. I swear, even Harkin isn't as big a douche as you. At least he's got connections.
Oh. My. God. You want to travel from the presidum ring to the top of the tower in a handful of seconds? The acceleration would kill you, dumbass. Actually, that's not a bad idea... but Tali's with you and she's a decent character, so I'll play nice. You have to be away from her some time.
Time for the least creative bullshit ever devised.
Dumbass.
Don't you know who he is? He's the GODDAMN ARCHANGEL!
YA RLY
NO WAI!!!
Considering I've never used Default Shepard, I have no fucking clue what he or she looks like. Descriptions, please.
Just the other three "humanups"...
Which douchebag are you talking about? Udina or the turian councillor?
I'm pretty sure Saren's pokerface is pretty damn good. After all, he managed to trick Nihlus who wasn't excatly a dumbass.
So getting Saren busted leaves a bigger grin on your face than getting laid? What am I talking about? You're clearly still a virgin and not by your own choice...
Ya think?
Oh yeah... the asari Matriarch who probably could be more dangerous than Saren if she chose to be...
Go sit on it and rotate, you jackass...
The Typo Fairy strikes again!! And I can't wait for you to be hauled off in a Collector swarm... assuming the geth don't kill you first. Or, better yet, Shep can leave your ass on Virmire so he/she won't have to choose between Ash or Kaiden. It's a win-win situation.
Still can't tell if this is MShep or FemShep...
Someone forgot his ME lore: Sovereign shows up and fucks up the Citadel pretty damn well...
Good luck killing him if you can't find him. Rule #1 about destroying a target is HAVE A FUCKING TARGET TO DESTROY.
Still need important info: is Shep male or female?
You just have to bitch about little things, don't you? Do you really want politicians in charge of your funding? You've have councilors up your ass the whole fucking time you're trying to operate.
Of course... don't save the lives of countless thousands of lives just because you want to be a douche.
In a world where any semblance of realsim would apply, the answer would be "never".
Keep that shit up, and I'll relieve you of your weapons and dump your ass on Tuchanka.
FINALLY! We have established that we'll be dealing with MShep this time around.
More typos... and how the hell do you know he's a good shot? A lot of cops aren't.
Keep this shit up, and you'll blow your cover, ace...
Dude... Garrus is awesome and thus rates the oculus. You, on the other hand, rate getting head-slammed into the nearest bulkhead for forcing this drivel on us.
Sure, just add more unneeded shit that you don't have the training to use to your equipment. Why not?
Actually, you're a shitty liar if you can't bullshit a C-Sec investigator.
"Playing the star again... There I go... Turn the page..."
With that, I'm surprised my brain hasn't turned to mush. And I'm getting the hell out of here before it does...