Mass Effect - Defenestration (M)
Sept 8, 2015 15:25:28 GMT 1
Tillian Panthesis and Mr. Glow like this
Post by Cali on Sept 8, 2015 15:25:28 GMT 1
Chapter 1 - Planetfall
General George Patton VII ducked under a huge GTH (Geth to Human) missile as he was leading his men to the enemy compound. "Move it, goddammit! What, are you chickenshit faggots too turkey to move?!" He shouted at his PTSD laden Alliance marines.
"Sarge, I'm scared." Private Eugene V. Koward squealed, crawling through a mixture of mincemeat made out of his former comrades, as well as Smuckers raspberry preserve.
"I'm not a sergeant you simpering yellow bellied bastard!"
"Fuck you sarge, the army's crap."
"Ohhh this ain't the army!" Before Patton could use his x4 upgraded overload power on his omni-tool and burst Koward's armor's built in club subwoofer, an artillery shell blew him to bits. Patton grinned. "War is Hell." He exclaimed silently.
As the Geth were jerking around on Hill 552, members of Echo Team arrived by huge ass, out-of-place-in-the-2180's-JeepĀ®. Among them were Lt. Commander T.W. Slater, First Lieutenant Horace Ironcake, Operations Chief Michael Deepdrill, and Corporal Jeff Hotdogs. This was the Alliance navy's A-Team when it came to search and destroy, sabotage,search and rescue, counterintelligence, and assassination. All of them were soldier class because every other class is for limp wristed peckerheads.
"Glad you could make it, Slater!" Patton yelled, twirling the cigar in his mouth not only to look cool but spread cancer cells in an even fashion.
"I am too, General. What happened to McCarthy VII and Omar Bradley VI?" Slater piped, trying to oafishly adjust his helmet on the complete lack of a neck, as well as his massive bone head.
"Bradley died of diarrhea at Six Flags, I'm afraid. McCarthy is halfway across the galaxy snorting red sand off dead asari hookers probably." Patton sneered.
"Neat." He spat out a disembodied ear that flew into his mouth due to shelling. "What's the situation?"
"Charlie Company is pinned down to the south, flanked by some boys from the 133rd. Alpha company is entrenched near the northeast and has set up mortars to support Delta company in their charge to the eastern gate to Hill 552 while some of the 138th attack from the re-"
"Duuhhhhh...." All four of Echo Team started drooling.
"WE NEED SOME BADMOTHERFUCKERS TO FUCK SHIT UP ON HILL 552?! YOU BAD ENOUGH?!"
"GODDAMN RIGHT SIR!" They all exclaimed in unison.
"GO TAKE THAT FUCKING HILL AND DON'T BOTHER COMING BACK IF YOU DON'T!"
They all started their ritual of broing out before battle, chest bumping like beefy titans and bro-fisting like shaolin snakedy peoples. The quartet of commandos all started going "WHOOwhhhoooWHOOOwhoooo" for lengthy periods of time until Deepdrill turned blue from hypertension and had a heat stroke on the battlefield, the first casualty that they didn't even notice.
Thefour three commandoes charged the breach, huge ass armor clinking like the dynamos of a giant Doritos processing machine. The adredaline of battle was so intense that they couldn't believe they weren't sexually aroused.
"CORPORAL HOTDOGS!" Slater screeched over the microphone. "SNIPE THAT GETH IN THE GUNNERY NEST!"
"Yes sir!" He did a 360 and noscoped the geth successfully, the creatures head exploding in pieces of junk. The glory, however was sapped, as Lieutenant Ironcakes had farted rancidly, causing the muzzle flash to ignite and blow the entire hill, sending people, geth, and pieces of building and hill every which way.
General George Patton VII ducked under a huge GTH (Geth to Human) missile as he was leading his men to the enemy compound. "Move it, goddammit! What, are you chickenshit faggots too turkey to move?!" He shouted at his PTSD laden Alliance marines.
"Sarge, I'm scared." Private Eugene V. Koward squealed, crawling through a mixture of mincemeat made out of his former comrades, as well as Smuckers raspberry preserve.
"I'm not a sergeant you simpering yellow bellied bastard!"
"Fuck you sarge, the army's crap."
"Ohhh this ain't the army!" Before Patton could use his x4 upgraded overload power on his omni-tool and burst Koward's armor's built in club subwoofer, an artillery shell blew him to bits. Patton grinned. "War is Hell." He exclaimed silently.
As the Geth were jerking around on Hill 552, members of Echo Team arrived by huge ass, out-of-place-in-the-2180's-JeepĀ®. Among them were Lt. Commander T.W. Slater, First Lieutenant Horace Ironcake, Operations Chief Michael Deepdrill, and Corporal Jeff Hotdogs. This was the Alliance navy's A-Team when it came to search and destroy, sabotage,
"Glad you could make it, Slater!" Patton yelled, twirling the cigar in his mouth not only to look cool but spread cancer cells in an even fashion.
"I am too, General. What happened to McCarthy VII and Omar Bradley VI?" Slater piped, trying to oafishly adjust his helmet on the complete lack of a neck, as well as his massive bone head.
"Bradley died of diarrhea at Six Flags, I'm afraid. McCarthy is halfway across the galaxy snorting red sand off dead asari hookers probably." Patton sneered.
"Neat." He spat out a disembodied ear that flew into his mouth due to shelling. "What's the situation?"
"Charlie Company is pinned down to the south, flanked by some boys from the 133rd. Alpha company is entrenched near the northeast and has set up mortars to support Delta company in their charge to the eastern gate to Hill 552 while some of the 138th attack from the re-"
"Duuhhhhh...." All four of Echo Team started drooling.
"WE NEED SOME BADMOTHERFUCKERS TO FUCK SHIT UP ON HILL 552?! YOU BAD ENOUGH?!"
"GODDAMN RIGHT SIR!" They all exclaimed in unison.
"GO TAKE THAT FUCKING HILL AND DON'T BOTHER COMING BACK IF YOU DON'T!"
They all started their ritual of broing out before battle, chest bumping like beefy titans and bro-fisting like shaolin snakedy peoples. The quartet of commandos all started going "WHOOwhhhoooWHOOOwhoooo" for lengthy periods of time until Deepdrill turned blue from hypertension and had a heat stroke on the battlefield, the first casualty that they didn't even notice.
The
"CORPORAL HOTDOGS!" Slater screeched over the microphone. "SNIPE THAT GETH IN THE GUNNERY NEST!"
"Yes sir!" He did a 360 and noscoped the geth successfully, the creatures head exploding in pieces of junk. The glory, however was sapped, as Lieutenant Ironcakes had farted rancidly, causing the muzzle flash to ignite and blow the entire hill, sending people, geth, and pieces of building and hill every which way.